Men are adorable, dependable and a knight in shining armour, all too eager to rush to our aid.
However, when left to their own devices, their public antics is a potential meme waiting to happen. From boisterously cheering for their favourite sports club to clumsily trying to impress a girl, the sheer oblivion of a man who thinks nobody is watching or taking note of his stunts. From inappropriate choice of words to personal grooming and we wonder if they have grown up since college days.
In this article, we roll out 18 of the most hilariously stupid things men do in public with liberty and get away with it. Let’s read on and the next time you catch a man doing their stunts, call them out and have a good laugh.
1. The Difference Between A Smile And A Smirk
A smile is an action that enunciate your feelings. By your smile, we can gauge if it is borne out of self confidence, friendliness, contentment or smugness. Often, when a man smile, it comes across like a smirk.
Tips: Practise smiling in front of a mirror. Scan the contour of your face when you smile and ask if it is a smile or a smirk.
2. Trim Your Nose And Ear Hairs.
It is challenging to have a conversation with a man with hairs sprouting out of their nose and ears. Almost as if Tina Turner (rest in peace) sticking her head out of their nose and ears for a breather.
Tips: These days, barbers are offering nose and ear hair trimming services. And while you are at it, take advantage of the nose pack treatment to remove black heads. If you are growing a moustache or a beard, have the barber to give you a designer beard, you will look spectacular.
3. Your Walking Style Reveals Your Personality
It is a wonder to watch an adult man scuff their feet when they walk. Can’t they hear themselves scuffing their feet?
Tips: Unless you have a medical condition, walk purposefully with long decisive steps. When stepping, roll through your foot heel to toe, and push off strong through the ball of your foot. Aside from this, keep your posture straight and let your arms move comfortably like a pendulum.
4. Don’t Seek Attention
By being boisterous, it gives an impression that you are trying to assert your presence in the company of people you are in. You feel overshadowed by others and the need to validate your worth. Or simply trying to get the attention of a girl you like.(poor girl must be cringing on her seat watching your antics).
Tips: Work on your self-esteem. The next time when you are in the company of others, think deeply, speak evenly, chuckle when necessary and keep your overall composure relaxed. You will gain more eyeballs and admirations from both the genders.
5. Do Not Dominate In A Conversation
While in an outing, among the company of women, do not dominate the conversation. We understand that some men may need to assert their authority and contribute their two cents worth of opinion however that is not the purpose we invited you.
Tips: Be a good sport, stay in the background and do what men do best, pick up the tab.
6. Sit With An Upright Posture
Try not to spread your body all over the chair, it is not a sight to behold of. It is as though you have become part of the chair you are sitting on and transform yourself into an absolute plank.
Tips: Chairs are there for you to place your buttock as a means to support your body and arms. So the next time you plonk your buttock on a chair, leave some space in between you and the other person. Try not to slump into the chair like a slug.
7. Do Not Offer Solution
Yes, men are ‘problem solver’ however we already know the solution. We just like to talk about it so we can dive deeper within ourselves and search if we have covered all possible area before taking action. It is also our way to verbalise our thoughts to feel better.
Tips: So the next time a woman speaks, be a good lad, just listen and agree. Just like the online software agreement that you do not read, you simply scroll right to the bottom, click Agree and sign.
8. When Introducing Your Wife Or Girlfriend
Try not to introduce your wife or your girlfriend as ‘my other half’ or ‘better half’. That is not a term of endearment while it goes to show your own other half is missing including your common sense.
9. So You Think You Can Dance
Dancing is not an exercise routine for you to do the jumping jacks or bounce up and down like a baby.
Tips: Observe the very basic moves on the dance floor, then move along to the rhythm of the music and synchronise your body to the beat or tune before hitting the dance floor.
10. It Is Time For Your Bathroom Break
When we ladies disagree on something, do not take side. Don’t try to be a hero. Eventually, we will kiss and make up. Thereafter, we will gang up on you. From a Hero you become a Zero
Tips: So the next time you find yourself in a conflict zone, do the Socrates ‘deep thinking posture’. Be smart and stay out of the line of fire or excuse yourself and take a bathroom break.
11. Perfumes
Your perfume should not be overpowering like the detergent that they use to mop the hospital floor.
Tips: The scent of your perfume should just linger around you and leave a pleasant trail as it evaporates.
12. Of Hard Liquors And Loosen Tongue
Don’t get intoxicated, this will loosen up your tongue to say stupid things, make a scene and leaves you staggering on your feet.
Tips: Order a classy drink like martini or a glass of wine . Set your limits and don’t get swayed by Happy Hour’s alcoholic beverages sold at reduced prices. Pace yourself in between drinks and enjoy the company of others.
13. Don’t talk about other girls
Don’t speak of other girls favourably when in the company of women as though these women are ‘potatoes’. It is disrespectful. You are giving the impression that you would rather be somewhere else than in our company.
Tips: How would you feel if the roles were reversed and we speak of other men far more accomplished than you. This perspective can help you choose your words more wisely the next time you cosy up in a women’s company. We will be interested about your adventure in the jungle or foreign country if you have one but leave out the beauty and how accommodating the girls are in that country.
14. Male Adjustment
The habit of adjusting your private in public settings is disgusting because that is the same hand you would stretch out to shake our hands or hand over a drink.
Tips: Tuck your junk neatly in your brief and not let it flap around here and there. If you need to adjust, do it in the restroom or somewhere secluded away from onlookers. Don’t multitask by adjusting your junk while walking in the public.
15. Take Your Problems Elsewhere
Do not tell us about your problems. We are neither your therapists nor your wife. We are here to have a good time. We might listen politely but that does not mean that we sympathies with your dilemma. We are all battling with one problem or another each day, so take it in your masculine stride.
Tips: You can indicate that you are experiencing an issue and wait if any of us are willing to take up your case to listen and provide emotional support.
16. Nagging
Says who men do not nag? Men have mastered the science of nagging that it does not have the aspect of nagging in the broad perspective. Seldom, do they raise their voice like we women do but the S.O.P. (standard operating procedure) is the same and way more terrorising.
Nagging stems from insecurity, anxiety or fear of rejection and the result are persistently finding fault on others, make them feel inferior or harping on it continuously.
Tips: When emotion takes over, choice of words takes a backseat, as this being so, the next time you get an itch to nag, try this: Use not more than five words if you want something to get done, “this is urgent”, “will you do this” and suchlike.
17. Eat Thoughtfully
Try not to gobble up food on the table as if you have been left at the kennel without food for 2 days and don’t grab the last piece of morsel on the plate which we share.
Tips: Pace yourself between each bite, chew slowly and leave the last piece of food for others to taste. Always eat half belly full at home before joining a public gathering where food is served so you don’t attack on the food immediately upon being served.
18. Train your eyeballs
Let not the eyes of yours roam around our cleavage or when other ladies walk by. It is mortifying to see men of age ogling at women.
Tips: Unless you are Jean Léon Gérôme working on your next nude painting, give your full attention to the object present in front of you. Get a grip of yourself and your eyeballs or you might miss something flying angrily to your face.
Fun Facts
The only time you can change a man is when he is a baby.
It takes four men to change a bulb so they can go for a beer and celebrate.
It’s easier for men to remember their childhood memory because they have not outgrown from it.
Whether the toilet seat is up or down, they still miss them.
The differences between a man and beach whale? They are the same.
Just like the weather you can’t change them.
It takes one million sperms to fertilise one egg because they don’t stop and ask for direction.
Their idea of helping with the housework is lifting their leg so you can vacuum underneath.
What is a man’s favourite song? ‘Never grow up’ by Taylor Swift.
Bonds mature over the years while men need a little reminder every now and then.
Gokila D. Santhanam is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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