I went to a Singapore Airlines open day to apply to be a cabin crew when I was a few months short of turning 18.
I passed the height and weight test but then they found out that I wasn’t 18 yet and told me that I couldn’t continue with the application on that day.
At that time, I did not care about this and went to college and made new friends. I was excited and blooming with youth. I had my whole life in front of me and I was looking forward to it.
Fast forward a few years, I was dropped into the rat race and that’s when I learned what adulthood and “life” really were all about.
The monotony, the routine, the daily grind, the unending traffic and grey everything – grey car, grey roads, grey skies, grey buildings, grey office, grey cubicle.
I was plunged into depression. How could a human being live like this, I thought?
Every day waking up at 6am before the sun rises to don stifling work clothes, get stuck in traffic for 1.5 hours, sit in a cubicle and face unending stress for 10-12 hours, eat in a darkened basement and never be outside in nature.
Lots of people called me dramatic and “negative” but I was in despair and began my slow, steady descent into depression.
I remembered frantically, desperately trying to find a way out. Another job perhaps? Another town? I was young and stupid and no guidance when it came to navigating life as we know it.
Honestly I felt trapped, but I didn't want to quit as I had bills to pay and I was afraid.
I studied journalism, and originally wanted to work for the media. I interned at a TV station for 6 months and truly enjoyed my time and the freedom I felt there.
Then, an office job fell into my lap and I took it for some reason. It was a good job, a steady job and I learned a lot.
But I was absolutely miserable. Every person is different, with different wants and needs and being "tied" to a desk was not for me. But as I said, I was young and stupid and never once did I think – why not apply for cabin crew again?
I don’t remember the reason but I think I had my first boyfriend back then and did not want to leave him.
There were no smartphones, no broadband, no blackberry – only the standard old call & sms phones and dial-up internet that screeched when you tried to connect.
Information was limited and I had no significant connections to speak of and almost zero mental and emotional support.
So I gave in and became another brick in the wall.
Now it’s too late for me to apply to be cabin crew. It’s not only the age, I also know that I am not physically strong enough, I can’t even lift my own carry-on into the overhead bins when I fly.
If I could go back in time I would apply once again when I reached 18 or 19 and live a wonderful life travelling the world and exploring. I know all jobs come with their challenges but I wish I did it.
I would also apply for an Australian working holiday visa if I could. It’s only valid for those under 30. You’ll get to stay legally in Australia for 1 year, work part-time as a barista or at a shop and enjoy the rest of your time there while saving all of that AUD.
Anyway, time stops for no one as they say and regret is the most useless of all emotions.
But I’m human too and I can’t help but wish and think “what if”.
Perhaps someday soon I will get to live my dream to travel and see the world.
Diana Abd is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav.
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