By Pola Singh
I have just returned from a wedding that was almost perfect, and I did almost nothing to make it so. For a Malaysian father, that is a strange sentence to write. Our son Dillon married Loshna in Melbourne, and my wife Rina and I were invited to ‘grace the occasion’. For once, that was exactly what was expected of us.
At many Malaysian weddings, the bride and groom are raja sehari, royalty for a day. Behind the throne stand the parents, who spend weeks settling the guest list, dealing with caterers and worrying about details their guests may never notice. I recently wrote about how much of that strain falls on mothers. I understand why parents take it on. In many families here and elsewhere in Asia, the wedding is a chance to honour elders, bring relatives together and do one last big thing for a son or daughter before they start a household of their own.
Dillon and Loshna chose a civil ceremony at the Registrar of Marriages in Melbourne, followed by a reception at Supernormal Restaurant. Without the religious rites that shape so many weddings I have attended at home, they were free to decide how they wanted the day to unfold. They made the bookings, sorted out the details and ran the whole occasion themselves. They knew what mattered to them and were comfortable making those decisions together.
Rina still found something to worry about. She had injured her right arm a week before the wedding, and the pain in her shoulder made even getting dressed a challenge. How was she going to get into the special outfit she had chosen for the day? In the end, she managed it, and I was grateful we could both be there. When Loshna’s father, Dato Mohana, and I signed the marriage certificate as witnesses, I felt the privilege of the small part we had been asked to play. We each said a few words at the reception, and our duties were done.
I had expected a wedding car. In Malaysia, even families on a tight budget will sometimes borrow a grand car, dress it up and find someone to drive it. Dillon and Loshna drove themselves, left early enough to find a parking space and walked to the registry in their wedding clothes. Then, after the ceremony, they left the car where it was and caught a tram to lunch with some of their guests. I hopped aboard too. Nobody batted an eyelid. I tried to picture a bride and groom doing the same on the KL MRT. I suspect the photos would have reached several of my WhatsApp groups before they reached their stop.
The photos that did come my way were taken by guests who pulled out their phones of their own accord. At home, the official photographer is often one of the first people a family books, and the album can take weeks to arrive. Here we were already sharing pictures while the day was fresh in our minds. The reception ran from 11 in the morning until four in the afternoon, and people were still reluctant to leave. I am used to weddings where you get just enough time to congratulate the couple and squeeze into a photograph. At Supernormal, Dillon and Loshna moved easily among their guests. There was time to sit, catch up and talk about ordinary things, which is a lovely thing to be able to do with a bride and groom on their wedding day.
I still have a soft spot for our Malaysian weddings. A decorated car or a feast for the extended family can mean a great deal to the people who have put their hearts into it. In Melbourne, I saw another way for a family to celebrate. Dillon and Loshna took the work upon themselves and gave Rina, Dato Mohana and me the pleasure of being there with them. What made me proudest was seeing how naturally they worked together. Everyone arrived on time, the day flowed easily, and the two of them had the wedding they wanted. Dillon and Loshna, we were so happy to be part of it.
Pola Singh (mediaplayer1717@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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