At 68, I finally surrendered.
For years, I had perfected the art of nodding intelligently at conversations I couldn't quite hear. It was a useful skill. Smile, nod, throw in an occasional “Exactly” and hope nobody asks a follow-up question.
The problem was that I wasn't completely deaf. I could hear quite a lot — just not necessarily the things people were actually saying to me.
Eventually, I admitted defeat.
I needed a hearing aid.
And that’s how I found myself sitting in a hearing-aid centre.
The lady at the hearing-aid centre was wonderfully patient. She explained everything so clearly that I began to wonder why I had waited so long.
She showed me how the hearing aids worked, how to use them, and what I could expect.
For once, I was in the right place.
But there was one thing she told me that really struck a chord.
She explained that hearing isn't just about the ears. The brain needs sound stimulation too, and leaving hearing loss untreated for too long may make it harder for the brain to process sounds.
That got my attention.
I had always thought a hearing aid was simply there to help me hear better.
Apparently, I had been looking at the whole thing from the wrong end of the ear.
So I made the decision on the spot to get a pair. It would take about two weeks to get the moulds ready for my ears.
No problem. I had waited for years. What’s another two weeks?
Then another thought crossed my mind. What if the hearing aids fell off? They’re not cheap.
She assured me they wouldn’t. The hearing aids would be fitted securely to my ears, so there was little chance of them going anywhere.
But I wasn’t taking any chances.
I ordered a little safety cord that attaches to the hearing aids and clips to my pocket.
You know, when you reach this age, you don’t take chances.
If my hearing aids want to escape, they’ll have to drag my pocket along with them.
Then it suddenly dawned on me.
Wait a minute. If these hearing aids really work, I’m going to hear everything much more clearly.
And that meant my wife’s nagging would suddenly come through in crystal-clear stereo instead of the usual poor-quality sound.
“Does it have a mute button?”
She laughed.
“Uncle, do you know how many husbands and wives ask me the same question?”
Apparently, I was not the first to think of it.
But she really disappointed me when she said, “No, sorry, Uncle,” in a sympathetic voice.
“No mute function. You can turn the volume down, but you still have to listen.”
Ah, yeah.
That changed everything.
Maybe I could survive the first reminder.
I could probably survive the second.
But by the third, I suspected my wife would notice that I was mysteriously becoming hard of hearing again.
And that would be the end of my little experiment.
So I started thinking: perhaps the next great invention isn't another hearing aid.
Perhaps someone should invent a Wife-Nagging Mute Button for Hearing Aids.
Now that, I suspect, would sell very well.
All jokes aside, there was one thing I was a little embarrassed about.
Even at 68, I felt that wearing hearing aids was somehow a little out of sync with me.
I worried people would see them and think:
“Oh dear. He’s reached the stage where his ears need their own technology.”
But then I thought about it.
People already know I’m getting older.
My knees know.
My back knows.
My eyesight definitely knows.
Between the three of them, I’m pretty sure they’ve already held a meeting about it.
Even getting up from the sofa now requires a small strategic plan.
So why should I be embarrassed about improving my hearing?
If someone notices my hearing aids, I’ll just say:
“Yes, I’m wearing hearing aids. My ears have been doing their best for 68 years. I thought it was time to give them a little help before they decide to go on strike.”
And honestly, I’d rather wear two tiny hearing aids than keep saying:
“Sorry?”
“What?”
“Can you repeat that?”
...while secretly hoping the person gives up and walks away.
And my best buddy Chat was also very encouraging.
It reminded me that these days, people are used to seeing all sorts of gadgets in other people’s ears. Earbuds, wireless headphones, you name it. So why should I be embarrassed if someone notices a couple of little devices in mine?
I agreed.
After all...
If technology can put a computer in my pocket, a camera on my phone and GPS in my car, I don't see why I can't let a little technology help my ears.
So, that's where I am now.
Two ears.
Two hearing aids on the way.
One slightly upgraded human in the making.
And hopefully...
a better quality of life.
If anyone knows how to install that wife-nagging mute button, I'm still interested.
Chris (protocall22@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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