Being bi-racial or more commonly known as ‘mixed race’ is quite common in our harmonious Malaysian community. Holding up the colorful Malaysian spirit within us all!
Now, hold up a little bit there. As much as a lot of us are proud Malaysians by spirit and heart, it’s also a frustrating truth that most of us get strange, offensive, insensitive and a lot of the times very uncalled-for comments and questions about… you guessed it, being mixed race.
As someone who is mixed race myself, I have my own share of unpleasant, insensitive and most of the time amusing experiences and accounts to share – there are some incidents and events that involve uncalled-for verbal abuse, and the frightening part was that usually, people are not fully aware of the kind of impact words have.
Here’s the kicker though, being a Malaysian, unfortunately we all do always ask each other about what is our race, our ethnicity and while sometimes they are harmless questions to ask about our identity, sometimes they are really just remarks that were internalized since young. Call it a childhood habit. Here’s one example: Ever heard someone asking you “You Malay, Chinese or Indian? Cause you look fair/dark/quite-dark-but-also-quite-fair‘. The list goes on.
So, as the topic becomes endlessly entertaining and frustrating at the same time, I decided to ask a few friends, acquaintances and in certain online communities to share with me about what are the kind of comments, questions, remarks, prejudice they received from fellow Malaysians and what they wish people would not say and do.
Three Malaysians shared with me on their accounts of being the receiving end of these treatments:
“My mother is Indian and my father is Chinese, I love my parents very much of course, whenever someone makes a comment about their interracial marriage, their expressions sometimes go from just nervous and awkward laughter to just silent exasperation.
One time when I was out with my mother at the market, an Indian lady was giving out samples of tomato sauce. I can’t really recall what it was, so my mother and I tried some.
Out of nowhere, the Indian aunty then said: ‘Your friend looks like he would like the new sauce!’
My mother and I exchanged glances before she corrected her to say that I am her son, the Indian aunty had a mixed reaction of guilt and confusion. But to make it worse, she went on to add that she apologized, she thought I was a friend because I looked more fair to be my mother’s son.
There were many times I have seen my mother’s reactions to people making comments like these but this was one of the rare times I have just seen her looking like she had enough. She took my hand and then quietly walked away, not even listening to the aunty trying to apologize behind us.”
– Ashwin, 24
“This usually happens either in Chinese New Year or Hari Raya, it doesn’t really change much between the two when it comes to relatives from both paternal and maternal side to ask me things such as:
‘Are you sure you don’t get encouraged to eat pork?’
‘Your Malay/Chinese/Hokkien is getting a bit better. Should go into the habit of practicing more of ‘Malay/Chinese/Hokkien’
‘Why not wear a baju kurung that covers more next time?’
‘Whoa! You’re looking more like your dad, darker in skin!’
‘So you follow who more? Dad or Mom?’
There’s a lot more that after a while, I just tune out a lot of the things that both sides of the family trees would comment on or question about.
Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy the celebrations of both. When I am with my mom, celebrating Chinese New Year and its culture is nice but there was also always that concern of language barrier because my Hokkien and Mandarin are not very good.
With my dad’s side, celebrating Hari Raya was strange for me because sometimes relatives would ask me if I am more Chinese or more Malay; as if it has changed anything since my birth.
The only way to really deal with any of this? It’s best to understand that I can’t control what people say. It’s hurtful but that’s just how it is.”
– Tania, 33
“Used to happen a lot back in primary school and high school. Not as much when I was in college because most college kids don’t really care about these things.
I would get asked about why I was able to speak Mandarin when it comes automatically for me since I went to a Chinese school for half my younger childhood years. My mother is Cantonese Chinese so I grew up in more of a Chinese Cantonese household.
My mother doesn’t speak Mandarin, I’m not very fluent in my Cantonese so I speak more Mandarin than Cantonese.
With my Chinese friends, they don’t really ask me about my race so much. The only times they would ask was only to be considerate of not eating non-halal food in front of me, which I don’t mind at all. They should just eat whatever they want.
However, when I’m around my Malay friends mostly, it sometimes gets quite uncomfortable. I know they have good intentions, I know they do.
But sometimes some of them can say really mean things and become judgemental. One time, during PE, my friend came to me secretly to the toilet, then said to me:
‘Don’t take this the wrong way but I think hanging around with that group too much is making you more Chinese.’
I asked what she really meant by that, and tried to laugh it off later saying that that makes sense since my mother is Chinese.
But she didn’t look like she was joking when she replied: ‘You are dressing like them, your uniform is too tight and it will attract bad things. They are a bad influence for you.’
This same friend who gave me this advice later wasn’t very present when I needed her, in fact it was the group of friends that she tried to warn me about who was with me all the way. We are still friends until now in our adulthood.
We all grow up but until now, I will never forget what she said.
I lost contact with her when we went to university. I wouldn’t consider getting in touch with her.”
– Nurul, 28
These sharing from three different people were heavy to digest, and again, as someone who is mixed race, I understand their sentiments and what they go through.
What can we really learn from this are just simple:
1. Be more open-minded
2. Do not be judgemental
3. As the old saying goes: “If you got nothing nice to say, don’t say them”
Start getting to know someone for more than their race.
Jasmine RCK is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav.
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