Q: Reflecting on my tumultuous teenage years, I am concerned about my 12-year-old daughter’s emotional well-being during this difficult phase. As her mother, what steps can I take to support her through this challenging period in her life?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: The importance of a mother in a teenage daughter’s life cannot be overstated. Mothers are role models, and they are usually the parent with whom a teenage daughter feels comfortable seeking advice. However, probably the most important thing you can do for her is to be an attentive listener.
One of the first steps to take is to ensure that you are available to her as much as you can. Teenagers’ emotions can be quite unpredictable, and your daughter may not always be inclined to talk when it is most convenient for you.
She may choose to engage with you either in the morning or later at night, so it is advisable to seize the opportunity when she is ready to talk.
Mothers should spare a few minutes from their tasks, establish eye contact and attentively listen to their daughters.
Allowing her to speak her mind without interruption is important. She may want to talk about the rough day she had at school or issues with friends.
Regardless of the problem, do not finish her sentences or attempt to invalidate her feelings, even if they seem perplexing to you. Such reactions can cause her to withdraw emotionally, making it less likely for her to confide in you in the future.
Naturally, you may want to offer advice to your daughter from time to time, which is commendable. However, be sure to listen first before offering advice. In most cases, what she needs more than advice is the opportunity to be heard.
Q: My spouse and I have found ourselves in a significant amount of debt. While we know that we need to work out a budget and pay off what we owe, we are not on the same page about the urgency and benefits of becoming debt-free. How can we address this?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Money is generally one of the biggest stressors in marriage. Financial expert Dave Ramsey emphasises that couples must work together on their finances.
You are more likely to stay committed to your budget when both of you share common goals. If your spouse is not on the same page, Ramsey suggests honest and open communication.
Let your spouse know that you are enthusiastic about becoming debt-free. Encourage your spouse to read articles that highlight the advantages of living on a budget.
If your spouse remains hesitant, Ramsey suggests writing down your specific concerns and the reasons they are important to you.
Sharing your thoughts and feelings in writing can be an effective way of getting your spouse’s attention.
In many cases, it is women who are more eager about becoming debt-free while their husbands may be more reluctant. If you are in this situation, Ramsey has one hard-and-fast rule: do not nag. Nagging rarely works and can drive a deeper wedge between you and your spouse.
As for husbands, if your wife has resorted to nagging, step up before the situation worsens. Getting out of debt and living on a budget is in both your interests, and you need to do your part to make it happen.
Like most aspects of a marriage, getting on a sound financial footing requires a team effort.
The article was contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
