My hometown is Melaka. Looking back, I had a truly happy childhood. I am surrounded by my beloved parents and siblings. But my late father? Strict as hell when it came to traditions or anything he felt strongly about.
One of his most unforgettable rules. Never marry anyone with the surname “Lee.”
He believed it was a cursed marriage. And yes, he was completely serious. No joking.
So whenever we wanted to date someone, the first question wasn't “Are they kind?” or “Do they have a job?” It was: “What's their surname? Please don't be Lee.”
Imagine being a teenager in Melaka, trying to find a boyfriend, and having to secretly check his IC (Identity Card) before your heart got too involved. "Sorry, you're cute, but my dad says your ancestors fought with my ancestors over a river in China 300 years ago." Try explaining that on a first date. No wonder my first date was when I was 25 years old to my only boyfriend and hubby now.
Sounds weird, right? But here's the fascinating part.
In many traditional Hakka families from Dapu (Tapu), there's actually a historical marriage ban between the Chin (Chen) and Lee (Li) clans. My father's family is Chin. So Lee? Enemy territory.
The backstory. Centuries ago in Dapu County, the Chin and Lee clans were fierce rivals. They were fighting over land, water, and village pride. Think Romeo and Juliet, but without the romance and with more shouting at ancestral altars. Clan elders would swear vows of enmity, declaring that their descendants should never “mingle blood” with the rival clan. Breaking the vow? You'd supposedly invite the wrath of your ancestors. Aka the “curse.” Dont play play!
So my father's warning wasn't just old-man superstition. It was a survival mechanism passed down for generations. Marrying a “Lee” was seen as betrayal. A spiritual risk to family harmony.
Now for the plot twist.
My third sister married a Lee. And my father didn't object. Not a single word.
Why? Maybe age softened him. Maybe he just wanted his daughter to finally get married (you know how parents get). Or maybe, just maybe, he realised the curse was nonsense all along. Either way, my sister and her Lee husband are still married. No ancestral wrath, no lightning strikes, no family curse.
So much for the ban. That shows traditions can adapt. My third sister marrying a "Lee" without my father's objection suggests that even within a generation, personal choice can override old clan prohibitions.
To this day, my siblings and I laugh about it. The rest of us avoided Lees like the plague, following Dad's rule religiously. Meanwhile, my third sister waltzed in, married a Lee, and Dad just shrugged. Typical.
Most modern Hakka families no longer follow these bans anyway. People marry for love now, not clan politics. You can be a Chin married to a Lee or Chin married a Chin (“same-surname" taboo that is another story!) and nobody throws rocks at your wedding.
Pan Tian Nyong? Maybe. But at least I never dated a Lee.
Chin Yl (chin8122@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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