Eid al-Adha or Raya Qurban is supposed to be about faith, sacrifice and spending time with family. But somehow, by the time you’re done with your second plate of ketupat, the questions start rolling in. If you’re still studying, someone will ask, “So when are you graduating?” If you’re working they’ll compare with your cousin who “already earns big money”. If you’re married with no kids yet, be ready for “Bila nak ada baby?” followed with some unsolicited advice, “You need to make more effort!”. Suddenly, what meant to be a peaceful family gathering turns into full blown life audits.
Why do these questions feel so tiring? On the outside, they might seem like normal small talk or even caring conversations. But inside, they can feel like pressure, judgement, or a reminder that you’re not living up to someone else’s timeline or expectations. It’s like being put on the spot without warning, answering questions about your life you didn’t expect and might not want to share. After a while, all that stress adds up and leaves you feeling drained – like you’ve been running a marathon but without any of the fun. That’s why some people call these kinds of family gatherings “energy vampire” moments, because certain relatives seem to suck all your energy away with their never ending questions and comments. Even though it’s supposed to be a happy time, it can end up feeling emotionally exhausting.
Energy vampires aren’t scary monsters – they’re usually family members or relatives who mean well but end up draining your energy. They have a way of asking questions or making comments that leave you feeling tired or stressed, even if they’re smiling while doing it. Sometimes they don’t realize how much they’re wearing you out. These are the people who focus on your life choices – your job, your relationship or your plans – and seem to expect you to explain or defend yourself. They might compare you to others, give advice you didn’t ask for, or keep digging into topics you’d rather avoid. It’s not about what they say exactly, but how it makes you feel afterward – like you just finished an emotional workout and need to recharge.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean being rude or ignore. Especially during Eid, we want to be polite and respectful. But it’s still important to take care of our feelings too. That’s where soft boundaries come in. Soft boundaries are gentle ways of telling without saying “I don’t want to talk about this”. When someone asks a personal question that makes you uncomfortable, you can answer briefly like “We’ll see how things go”, then change the topic.
Soft boundaries are also about knowing when to step away. It’s perfectly okay to excuse yourself if the conversation starts to feel too much. Maybe go help in the kitchen, step outside or sit with someone who makes you feel more comfortable. These small actions help you stay calm and protect your energy without hurting anyone’s feelings. And yes, during Eid, you can be kind to others and still be kind to yourself.
Ultimately, Eid is about love. Togetherness and being thankful. It’s okay if some conversations feel a little heavy or uncomfortable, many of us go through the same thing. The most important thing is to remember that your journey is your own. You don’t have to have everything figured out and don’t need to answer every question if it makes you feel pressured.
This Eid, be kind to your family, but also be kind to yourself. It’s okay to smile, answer simply and gently protect your peace. After all, the best kind of celebration is the one where everyone leaves with a full heart.
Happy Eid Al-Adha!
Nabil Arafat (mhmmdnabilarafat@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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