“I am Hakka.” That's what I always said when people asked about my dialect. Both my parents were Hakka, and we spoke Hakka at home. In our culture, you follow your father's dialect; simple.
My father sent all of us to English-medium schools. Soon he noticed that we spoke English to each other, only Hakka with him and our mother. So for my youngest sister, he switched to Chinese school. His hope? That at least one of us would learn Chinese.
Honestly, I was never fluent. Even today, I can only manage basic Hakka. Other dialects? Forget it.
Fun fact; Malaysian Hakka isn't one flavour. There's Huiyang (KL), Meixian (Ipoh), Hepo (Kuching), and smaller ones like Dapu. But younger folks now speak more Mandarin than their dialect.
My father's favourite phrase? “Pan Tian Nyong” (半癲戇); literally "half crazy, stupid." He'd throw it around whenever someone did something silly. Including, probably, me trying to speak Hakka.

My hometown is Melaka. My grandfather came from Dapu, China. In September 2013, my oldest brother (Chin KS) together with my cousins visited Taianlou, organised by Melaka Hakka Association. It’s a historic Hakka walled house in Dabu County, Guangdong. Picture a massive, fortified earth building designed for defence. Basically, a Hakka apartment complex that says, "Come near us if you dare."

Photo taken by Chin KS
Inside, my brother found the family genealogy book. And there it was ! My father's and older uncle's names, with a special remark. "Resides in Malacca, Malaysia." Here’s what I do know. My father's name is written inside a 200-year-old Hakka fortress in China!

Photo taken by Chin Kim Sen
Because I don't speak Hakka or Mandarin, my two daughters didn't pick up any dialect at home. Luckily, my wise husband sent them to Chinese-medium school. So at least they can converse in Mandarin and read and write fairly well.
One day, my youngest daughter asked me, “Mummy, what dialect am I?”
I told her, “Hokkien because your father's family is Hokkien.”
She looked at me and said, “But I don't speak Hokkien. So how can I say I am Hokkien?!”
Honestly? She had a point. It is weird. We speak mainly English at home, which makes us what people call “bananas”; yellow on the outside, white inside.
So here's my only hope; that my daughters will teach their kids Mandarin. It’s the most spoken language in the world now. And maybe my grandchildren can be proud of our Chinese heritage… even if their grandmother can't order kopi in Hakka and half-boiled eggs without messing up the tones.
Pan Tian Nyong? Maybe a little. But at least we’re trying.
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Chin Yl (chin8122@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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