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Now I know why Amma wanted to go back to Penang so badly. She was a local celebrity there. In the last years of her life, she kept on chanting the same mantra, ‘I want to go to Penang’ in as many languages as she knew to whoever would listen.
Amma, over the years, had been afflicted with repeated strokes. What started as a fall and confusion led to her being transferred to Kuala Lumpur for further assistance and care. This was at the height of COVID and lockdown. She eventually recovered from her initial shock and began questioning how she had ended up in Kuala Lumpur. Her condition improved, but her demand to be expedited to Penang grew louder. Considering her age (82 at the time) and the fact that she was living alone, we, her children, collectively decided that her carefree days in Penang were over.
Her mental capacity slowly declined despite medications and medical consultations. From someone who would read the Tamil newspapers from cover to cover, she told me that she could not make out all the writing, which looked like hieroglyphics to her. So, it was on the news. That, too, eventually disinterested her. “What are they saying?” she said many times. I remember she showed keen interest in quizzes and solving brain teasers. So, the family got her simple jigsaw puzzles, the ones that toddlers get for birthdays. That, too, proved too challenging. The minute emboli that traversed her cerebral vessels had occluded the blood supply to the area controlling cognition and association. Frustrated, she used to bang her head with her knuckles, trying in vain to remember things. She suffered from vascular dementia.
Even though Alzheimer's and vascular dementia both cause memory loss, the effect on the patient is quite different. In Alzheimer's, the patient, at least in late stages, the patient is unaware of the ruckus he is creating. The caregiver bears the brunt of his misbehaviour and socially awkward conduct. In the latter, the patient is aware that his memory is slowly fading, which can be extremely frustrating, especially if he was previously an active individual.
Slowly, her limbs became weak, and she was wheelchair bound. Again, for a person who, without fail, came rain or shine, went for an hour-long walk daily, this was demotivating, to put it mildly. Swallowing became a laboured process when that function also took a downward spiral. She was too proud to have tube feeding, so it was the syringe and spoon feeding.
She finally met her Maker, and she willed that her remains be transported to her favourite town, Penang.
That was when I found out how she impacted so many lives that she interacted. I gathered this from all the relatives and dear friends who came to say their farewells. Even the priest who conducted her rites had something to say. Families came with children to announce that they owed Amma for her matchmaking.
Close relatives viewed her as a feminist icon. At a time when lower-middle-class Indian ladies had more pressing needs than learning to drive, she was seen speeding around in her secondhand Austin Mini, which was not a luxurious car then, and later in her Perodua.
This started as a dare between Amma and her sisters-in-law to be able to afford to own a car in the family. She took the challenge and made some side income out of it. She ferried school children for a small fee to pay off the monthly car instalment. At the same time, she could send her two daughters to school. At 78, she renewed her driving licence, much to the clerk's amazement.
When our family hit hard times, and finances were in the doldrums, she had the great foresight to learn to sew. At that time, many Tamil NGOs were encouraging ladies to enrol in their sewing and handicraft classes to provide economic independence. She jumped at the opportunity. Instead of just learning a skill, she took the craft to a different level. She soon earned the label of the maestro of sewing snuggly-fitting saree blouses. She ruled the blouse department, so much so that the highlight of Deepavali and Thaipusam was not the festivities but meeting the orders' deadlines. That supplemented the family, for which the family is grateful. One of the attendees at the funeral quipped, "In her small flat, she created a kingdom!' The kingdom that she crafted also ensured that her three kids obtained tertiary education.
Between her daytime duties, she would miss attending weddings, funerals and other cultural events at her friends' homes. Pretty soon, she became the go-to person for performing rituals at Hindu functions. The priest who was in attendance told us that he and his colleagues were wary around Amma, as she had no qualms about telling the officials off for taking shortcuts! So he made sure he followed all the formalities!
I know she was a counsellor to her circle of friends who were involved in domestic violence. I remember one lady mustered the courage to file a police report after a bashing. The lady finally got a divorce after enduring an alcoholic husband for years.
It was a befitting send-off for a simple lady who missed out on education at a younger age because her parents did not value education for girls. She told us that she regretted not having that opportunity at the appropriate time. Nevertheless, she used her God-given mind and energy to do her part for the society close to her, as a service provider, a counsellor, a tailor, and a woman empowerment icon. She was a patriot in her own way.
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Farouk Gulsara (asokansham@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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