“Empty nest syndrome is often less about your child leaving and more about your identity shifting.”
– Anthony Damaschino
AN empty nest refers to the life phase where parents live alone because their adult children have moved out either to work, study or start their own families. For almost three years now, my husband and I have been living as empty nesters. All our children have moved out and are building their own lives. I must admit that it brought mixed feelings: pride and joy seeing that our children are making it on their own, but the sadness and loneliness of not being together is always there.
Filipinos are known for having strong family ties. In the past, the concept of empty nesting was not even talked about. Back then, children often live with their parents well into adulthood, sometimes even after they are married. But in today’s generation, where children seek more independence and autonomy, parents need to be more aware and better prepared for the facts and truths of empty nesting.
Fact: Most empty nesters are no longer actively earning. However, spending does not stop when earning stops. While some empty nesters are capable of funding their needs, many have pinned their hopes on their children, financially. Based on the recent national data on older Filipinos, while about 36 percent of older parents explicitly intend to rely on their children for financial support, a significantly higher proportion (62 percent to 64 percent) actually end up receiving monetary assistance for their daily provisions in their old age. This arrangement becomes more complex when the children leave to build their own lives. On one side are the empty nesters who content themselves with what their children can give. Then we have the adult children who with their own financial obligations to worry about, still carry the load of their parents.
Truth: This sad state can be avoided and empty nesters can continue to live with dignity and financial freedom with proper preparation. Start planning for your retirement or empty nest phase while you’re still young. Throughout my entire “working” years, I did three things to prepare for my empty nest phase: Save. Protect. Invest. I saved to have the emergency funds to cover immediate unexpected needs; purchased insurance protection, in case I am suddenly taken out of the picture; and invested to grow our money for our future needs, such as retirement. This preparation allowed me to have choice, peace, dignity as an empty nester. The best gift I can give to myself.
Fact: Financial dependency within the family is rarely a one-way street. A large portion of Filipino empty nesters continue to act as household heads with their own funds, often providing financial help to their adult children. Surveys show nearly 40 percent of empty nesters still subsidize their children’s groceries, cell phones, rent or loans, even if they have already left home. Sadly, some adult children overlook the fact that their empty nest parents are not actively earning but are just relying on pensions/savings for their own needs. But because they are parents, they continue to help.
Truth: We can raise financially responsible children by teaching and showing them the right money habits of budgeting, priority spending, creating multiple income streams, building emergency funds and investing, while they’re still young. When our children are able to develop these habits growing up, they will not only avoid the need to rely on their parents but they will also avoid relying on their own children in the future. Completely stopping the cycle of financial dependence in their family.
Fact: Health is a real concern. As we grow old, we experience bodily changes making us more prone to illnesses and diseases. About 66 percent of older Filipinos are diagnosed with at least one chronic illness, 15 percent experience difficulties performing basic daily activities, and about a quarter suffer from depression associated with empty nesting. Empty nesters may know how to address these, but many are not financially capable. Every doctor’s visit, every meds taken and every therapy requires money. However, only 1 out of every 50 Filipinos has private insurance, forcing older adults to rely heavily on out-of-pocket money and children for medical expenses, as government support is almost none. Or they just suffer in silence.
Truth: We can prepare for these by securing health insurance or build a medical fund to cover our future health and medical requirements. This will prevent us from wiping out our savings in case we get sick. If you can’t afford comprehensive medical insurance yet, at least get HMOs to cover basic consultations and medical needs. Practice your own self-care. I am doing more self-care now than ever. I do my daily exercise, eat healthier food and get my regular checkups. I pursue hobbies and projects that have kept me productive and relevant. I do all these intentionally, without needing to worry financially because I prepared for it, way in advance. I build my own source of joy and peace instead of expecting it from others. Self-care is not vanity, it’s self-preservation.
Fact: No matter how much we love our children, we cannot make them our whole life. There will come a point when they will leave our home to build their own life. They will pursue a career and have their own family that will consume their time and efforts. Visits will be few and far between, and phone calls less frequent. It doesn’t mean they love us less, they are just living life.
Truth: While our children are busy with their own lives, we can continue living the life we deserve. Our purpose in life does not end when our children leave. But we need to be financially prepared to make this happen. It’s no one else’s responsibility but ours alone to make our empty nesting as relaxing, enjoyable and comfortable as possible.
Will you just accept the Facts or act on the Truths?