KUALA LUMPUR: “Please kill me. I just want to die... I can’t take the pain anymore,” said Devika Rajamanickam, now 42, after her first chemotherapy session in 2019.
Her husband, Ramesh Suparammanayam, 43, was distracted. Here was a woman he loved more than anything else in the world, but she was going through so much suffering and there was little he could do to ease her pain.
A high-profile couple, Devika is the country head of corporate sustainability at a major financial institution, while Ramesh is the sales director at a software company.
The couple, who live in USJ, Subang Jaya, have been married since 2005 and are blessed with two sons, Yuhaan, 16, and Nihaan, eight.
Devika’s order started in 2011 when she felt some discomfort during her monthly periods. She consulted her gynaecologist, only to be told that she had a 2cm ovarian cyst.
“It grew bigger each time I had my period, and subsided when it was over. I lived with it for eight years as my gynaecologist said there was nothing to worry about.”
In 2014, even though the cyst caused her some discomfort while she was pregnant with her second son, Devika’s gynaecologist reassured her that it did not pose a problem.
But this was not entirely true. When Nihaan turned five, Devika suffered extreme pain in her lower abdomen and was rushed to the hospital. There, it was discovered that she had ovarian cancer. This was the beginning of her nightmare.
“I couldn’t believe this was happening to us. Devika has always been a very strong, well-balanced and happy person. Career-minded, she has always striven to give her best at work, while balancing her family commitments too.
“So, to find her in extreme pain, weak, and vulnerable was something our family was unprepared for. And for her to say ‘please kill me’ was just too much to bear,” said Ramesh.
Ultrasound scans showed that the cyst had grown to 9cm and was twisting her left ovary, which was why she suffered sharp pains in her lower abdomen.
Devika had emergency surgery to remove the cyst and an ovary which was damaged. The sample was sent for a biopsy, and two weeks later, it was confirmed that she had stage one ovarian cancer.
“Thank God, it was detected early. But the surgical oncologist said I had to undergo a ‘hysterectomy’ to remove my remaining reproductive organs as well.
“While we were not planning to have another child, what the oncologist said meant I could never conceive again even if Ramesh and I wanted one.”
The surgical oncologist’s words also meant Devika would spend the rest of her life experiencing “surgically induced menopause” with hormonal changes, poor bone density, hot flushes that made sleeping difficult, and other overwhelming symptoms.
“I was only 38 years old when I had the hysterectomy and menopause. The surgical oncologist said apart from the negative symptoms I would experience, having the hysterectomy would help prolong my life.
“I asked God why. Why me? Ramesh and I have so many plans and dreams for our lives. “We want to see our children grow, enjoy each other’s company and travel to places we have never been to.”
Her hysterectomy was done within 10 days of her first ovarian surgery. She was then referred to a medical oncologist who started her on a double dose of drugs and six cycles of chemotherapy, which she has since completed.
“My first chemotherapy session as an outpatient was really bad. I couldn’t eat, constantly vomited and was in a lot of pain. It was decided that I should be readmitted to the hospital and given lots of painkillers.
“So, after every chemotherapy session, which I had at three-week intervals, I had to be guarded as I was very weak. Before long, my hair started to fall out and I decided to shave it bald.”
The steroids Devika was given to suppress the side effects of chemotherapy made her feel bloated and she put on a lot of weight. Somehow, she completed all six chemotherapy cycles in three months.
Devika also tried Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) which doctors usually recommend for those below 45 years.
HRT is supposed to help reduce your hot flushes. But then, she discovered it has side effects, including the possibility of contracting breast cancer, and decided to stop it.
Throughout her chemotherapy sessions, Ramesh, her late mother, Rajeswary Krishnasamy, 68, and now widowed father, Rajamanickam Packirisamy, 74, were always by her side.
“That’s what family is for... to support each other in sickness and in health, right?
“There is nothing I wouldn’t do for Devika. We have been married for 18 years, and she has always been there for me too,” Ramesh said.
Meanwhile, her two sons noticed that their mother was not her normal self and wondered why Amma was losing her hair and finally shaved it bald.
But like all children, they were wrapped up in school, studies and extracurricular activities. “Their lives went on as usual, thank God for that. Ramesh, their grandparents and aunts were always there for them as well,” Devika said.
Food was another major problem. For a week after each chemotherapy session, Devika had a “metal” taste in her mouth.
She only had a five to 10-minute window to eat before the metal taste returned. Besides, she could only eat Chinese fried rice with chilli padi or dried chilli yee-mee as she couldn’t taste anything else. Even her tongue had black spots on it and her fingernails turned black too.
Throughout their journey with cancer, one thing the couple stressed was the importance of medical coverage.
“Cancer treatment is very expensive. While Devika’s employer provided excellent medical coverage, it is critical to have private insurance too as a backup,” Ramesh said.
For three years after her hysterectomy, Devika underwent an annual Positron Emission Tomography scan as a preventive measure to detect the presence of any tumor in her body. She is now under surveillance.
So, what is life like after the Big C? “I am very proud of my employer. My company and colleagues have supported me throughout my journey with cancer. While I still take my job very seriously, I have also renewed my faith in God.
“I have become more spiritual. I take my private life less seriously and prefer more stress-free activities. Above all, I value my husband and family even more and will never give them up for anything.”
Devika has written a book, ABC – A Battle of Cancer and has committed to donate part of the proceeds to the National Cancer Society of Malaysia. Please see sidebar for story.