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By Mihar Dias December 2024
In the pantheon of poorly planned crimes, few can rival the sheer absurdity of stealing an empty gold bar ATM. Three intrepid individuals in Ampang decided that hauling away a Public Gold automated teller machine would be their golden ticket to fortune. https://newswav.com/article/three-men-arrested-for-stealing-empty-public-gold-automated-machine-A2412_r4V5Nt?s=A_52oN5sq&language=en
Alas, as with all get-rich-quick schemes devised under the influence of desperation (and, apparently, methamphetamine), their caper was as ill-conceived as it was doomed to failure.
The most glaring flaw? The machine was empty. Did these aspiring millionaires honestly believe a supermarket would leave a treasure trove of glittering gold bars unattended overnight? Even a casual scroll through Google could have warned them: ATMs dispensing gold bars (yes, they exist!) are emptied regularly for security reasons. But who needs due diligence when you can hijack a truck and cart off an entire machine instead?
This heist was a textbook case of fools rushing in where angels feared to tread. While angels might ponder the logistics, these "criminal masterminds" threw caution—and reason—to the wind. The police, ever the unsung heroes of anticlimactic schemes, promptly arrested the trio. The lead suspect, with a criminal record stretching to 54 previous offenses, clearly fancied himself the Einstein of larceny. Did he really think number 55 would be the charm? You’d think someone with such an illustrious rap sheet would have at least mastered the art of risk assessment. https://newswav.com/article/three-men-arrested-for-stealing-empty-public-gold-automated-machine-A2412_r4V5Nt?s=A_52oN5sq&language=en
The comedy of errors didn’t end there. Our ambitious thieves actually hired a truck driver to haul the ATM. https://newswav.com/article/three-men-arrested-for-stealing-empty-public-gold-automated-machine-A2412_r4V5Nt?s=A_52oN5sq&language=en
Picture the awkward conversation:
Driver: “Why are we moving an ATM from a supermarket?”
Thief: “Uh, maintenance. Yeah, maintenance!”
And the payoff? Nothing but the crushing weight of their collective idiocy. As the police chief confirmed, the loot was nonexistent—no bars of gold, just an RM60,000 steel box now destined to sit in some scrapyard, an eternal monument to ambition without wisdom. https://newswav.com/article/three-men-arrested-for-stealing-empty-public-gold-automated-machine-A2412_r4V5Nt?s=A_52oN5sq&language=en
This farce serves as a golden lesson: crime doesn’t pay, especially when you skip the basics of preparation. Not every shiny object is treasure; sometimes it’s just a glorified metal shell waiting to ruin your life and add another criminal record to your CV.
So, as these gentlemen reflect on their escapades behind bars, one can only hope they’ll consider a career path that’s less theatrical and more... constructive. Fishing, perhaps? Gardening? Anything that doesn’t involve truck rentals and grand larceny.
If this fiasco is any indication, Malaysia's gold bar ATMs remain safe from such "masterminds" for the foreseeable future.
Mihar Dias is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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