With EPF announcing a 6.15% dividend, this sharp commentary calls out the top excuses Malaysians use to dip into retirement savings.
IF Malaysians channelled half the creativity we pour into EPF withdrawal excuses into actual financial planning, we’d have built a second Employees Provident Fund branch on the moon by now – with valet parking and nasi lemak catering.
And speaking of EPF – hot off the press – just this Saturday, the fund announced a 6.15% dividend. Yes, anak-anak, that isn’t just another number; that’s literal extra money credited to your units – money that could grow, compound and make Future You smile like they found extra sambal at 3am.
So while we are out here inventing excuses to raid the account, like it’s a buy-one-get-one-free mart, EPF is out here paying us to keep our money there.
But I digress. Back to our anthology of financial gymnastics – Olympic-level twisting, gold-medal excuses and the mental somersaults that would make any gymnast proud.
Let us be clear, darling, EPF is not festive duit raya; it is not “extra cash chilling there”. It is the difference between retirement with dignity and retirement featuring instant noodles and nostalgia, especially now that it is actually giving good dividend returns, and yet people still treat it like a secret stash under the mattress.
Yet annually, we approach it like it’s a buffet labelled “Future You won’t mind”. Oh, but she will mind – very loudly.
Allow me to present the top eight EPF excuses that should be auditioning for sitcom pilots.
- “Kalau saya mati esok, siapa nak guna duit tu?”
Ah yes, the YOLO (you only live once) retirement plan.
By that logic, why buy insurance? Why save at all? Might as well adopt three alpacas and open a lavender farm in Seremban.
Here’s the inconvenient plot twist: most of you are not dying tomorrow. You are going to live long enough to complain about knee pain, government policies and young people’s music.
Spending your retirement money because “what if I die” is like refusing to buy an umbrella because “what if it never rains” in Malaysia. Please-lah.
Future You is already side-eyeing Present You from 2055.
- “Nak beli motor, senang pergi surau.”
Religious rebranding at its finest. The motorbike will apparently strengthen your spiritual life. Fascinating.
Somehow it will also strengthen your presence at mamak stalls, night rides and suspiciously loud revving competitions.
Don’t use divine justification for horsepower ambition. Tuhan knows your browser history. If piety required a Yamaha, the parking lot at every masjid would look like MotoGP qualifying session.
- “Nak buat majlis kahwin anak. Sekali seumur hidup je.”
Once in a lifetime – yes. Bankruptcy also can happen once in a lifetime if you do it properly.
People will attend, eat, criticise the rendang quietly, post one Instagram story and move on with their lives. Meanwhile, you’ll be explaining to your bank account why there was a chandelier budget.
A wedding is a celebration. It is not meant to resemble the coronation of a minor European monarchy. If your pelamin requires engineering approval, please reconsider.
- “Nak main saham. Kawan kata confirm untung.”
Unless your “kawan” is secretly Warren Buffett disguised in batik, perhaps breathe first. “Confirm untung” has destroyed more retirement dreams than inflation ever could.
The moment the stock graph turns red, that same friend will suddenly reply to your messages with “Seen 2.14pm.”
- “Nak renovate rumah… sikit-sikit je.”
There is no such thing as a “sikit-sikit” renovation.
It begins with “just change the cabinet”. Then suddenly someone says, “Since we’re already here…” and the next thing you know, walls are falling, tiles are imported and you’re debating underfloor heating in a tropical climate.
One contractor disappears. Another becomes “on the way” for three weeks. Your EPF evaporates faster than Milo ais during recess and you’re living in a home that looks like an unfinished Netflix set titled “Minimalism but make it financially stressful”.
- “Saya dah bayar EPF, saya punya suka-lah!”
Indeed – your money, your choice. Just like wearing Crocs with socks is your choice – the law permits it, society squints.
Freedom does not automatically equal wisdom. Retirement does not negotiate with vibes. An L-shaped sofa and karaoke machine will not comfort you when your knees start sounding like bubble wrap.
- “Nak pergi umrah. Lepas tu maybe jalan-jalan sikit di Eropah.”
Spiritual journey meets travel influencer arc. Alhamdulillah for the intention. But if your pilgrimage itinerary includes Milan shopping and Paris café-hopping funded by Future You’s blood pressure, perhaps pause.
God accepts prayers. He does not require you to stop by the Champs-Élysées on the way home.
If you return spiritually refreshed yet financially dehydrated, Maggi kari will taste different. And not in a poetic way.
- “Nak tolong anak-anak. Diaorang tengah susah.”
This one tugs the heart. Helping your children is noble. Emptying your retirement fund to cushion their questionable decisions is… complicated.
If you bankrupt yourself today, take a guess who they will need to support tomorrow.
Exactly.
Love your children, yes. But doterm financial liability in the name of short-term rescue missions. Parental love should not require sacrificing your future medical bills to Shopee’s flash sale.
Makcik’s final roast (affectionately delivered)
Here is the uncomfortable truth wrapped in love and mild sarcasm.
Your EPF is not:
a celebration fund;
a renovation fantasy grant;
a start-up incubator powered by vibes;
a travel influencer sponsorship; or
a midlife crisis relief package.
It is your 70-year-old self’s lifeline.
Retirement will arrive – not with fireworks or LED pelamin. It will arrive quietly and firmly – like an unskippable YouTube ad.
And when it does, it will not care that your wedding had drone footage.
Short-term thrills are seductive – they sparkle, trend and impress neighbours for exactly 48 hours. Compound interest? She is boring, wears sensible shoes and doesn’t shout but she will carry you when your knees protest and your eyesight needs subtitles.
So perhaps – just perhaps – treat your future self with the same enthusiasm you treat warehouse sales. Keep your EPF where it belongs unless genuinely necessary. Your older self would like to retire with ayam goreng, not just memories of it.
Now excuse me while I sip my teh-o panas, scroll Shopee with monk-level restraint and pray that national financial wisdom trends at least once before another LED pelamin does.
Azura Abas is the executive editor of theSun. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
