“It’s Not Him Anymore…”
That was one of the saddest things a lady ever said to me across the pharmacy counter.
She wasn’t collecting medicines for herself. She was collecting them for her husband.
“I’ve lost my husband,” she said quietly.
For a split second I thought he had died.
Then she looked up and said, “He’s still alive… but he’s just not the man I married.”
I’ve never forgotten that conversation.
As pharmacists, we often meet people at different stages of their illness. Sometimes it’s the patient. Sometimes it’s their husband, wife or daughter collecting prescriptions. Often they’re exhausted, worried and looking for answers that no medicine box can provide.
One illness I see affecting more and more families is dementia.
Not because people are living recklessly.
Quite the opposite.
People are living longer than ever before, and with that comes illnesses that our grandparents didn’t always live long enough to develop.
One of the biggest myths I hear is, “He’s just getting old.”
Growing old isn’t a disease.
Forgetting where you left your reading glasses is something we’ve all done.
Walking into the kitchen and forgetting why you went there? Join the club.
But when someone forgets the way home from the supermarket they’ve visited every week for twenty years, that’s different.
When they ask the same question five times in ten minutes, that’s different.
When they stop recognising neighbours they’ve known for decades, that’s different.
Families often notice these changes long before the patient does.
The difficult part is knowing when normal forgetfulness becomes something more.
I’ve also noticed something else over the years.
The person with dementia isn’t always the one suffering the most.
It’s often the husband who quietly gives up golf because he can’t leave his wife alone.
It’s the daughter who rushes from work every evening to make sure Mum has eaten.
It’s the wife who hasn’t slept properly for months because her husband wanders around the house at three in the morning.
These carers rarely complain.
Instead they say things like, “We’re managing.”
Sometimes you can tell from their face that they’re barely holding things together.
There isn’t a tablet that cures dementia.
That’s one of the hardest conversations healthcare professionals have.
But there are medicines that may help some people for a while, and there is a huge amount of support available once a diagnosis has been made.
The biggest mistake is pretending nothing is wrong.
I’ve met families who waited years before seeking help because they thought it was simply old age.
By then, valuable time had been lost.
One question I’m often asked is whether dementia can be prevented.
There isn’t a simple yes or no answer.
What we do know is that what’s good for your heart is usually good for your brain.
Keeping your blood pressure under control.
Managing diabetes.
Stopping smoking.
Keeping active.
Remaining socially connected.
Even wearing hearing aids if your hearing is poor.
None of these comes with a guarantee, but together they appear to reduce the risk.
As a pharmacist, one thing always strikes me.
The medicines I hand out every day for blood pressure, diabetes and cholesterol aren’t just protecting the heart.
In many cases they’re also helping to protect the brain.
That’s something many people never realise.
If someone you love has changed, don’t ignore it because you’re frightened of the answer.
And if you’re the one caring for them, don’t forget to look after yourself too.
You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Sometimes the person who needs help most is the one who never asks for it.
Until next time, take care of yourself… and the people who quietly spend every day taking care of someone else.
The Daily Durian (zaynp100@yahoo.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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