Q: We recently learned that my elderly mother has only a few months to live. This has affected the entire family, but I am especially worried about how to help my young children understand that their grandmother is dying. Please advise.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Coping with a loved one’s terminal illness is challenging for everyone involved. Unfortunately, the emotional needs of young children are often overlooked. It is easy to assume that they are less affected by sickness and death due to their limited understanding, but even young children can experience fear and confusion in such situations.
To support your children when someone they know and love is dying, keep these in mind:
Firstly, prepare your children for what is coming. Use age-appropriate language. Introduce them to the concept of death before your loved one passes away. Drawing on examples from nature can help them grasp the idea, providing them with an opportunity to make sense of the situation.
Secondly, be honest and keep it simple. Keep your explanations straightforward. Some parents may attempt to soften the reality of death by saying things like “grandmother went on a long journey” or “grandpa became an angel”. However, in the long run, a soft approach will not help children grapple with the reality of death. This is also a good time to discuss your faith and the spiritual aspects of this situation.
Finally, prepare your children for the emotions they may observe in others. They may wonder why everyone is crying and upset. Help them understand that death often brings sadness, and it is completely normal for them to feel sad as well. Encourage your children to ask questions and talk about what they are feeling.
Supporting children through the process of understanding and coping with the impending loss of a loved one requires sensitivity, honesty and open communication. By addressing their emotional needs and offering guidance, you can help them navigate this difficult time with more understanding and support.
Q: My men colleagues and I meet up for breakfast every week, and we are all married. Can you advise us on how we can strengthen our marriages?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Here is an analogy. When you drive on highways, there are grooves along the sides to alert you when you have veered out of your lane, making a loud noise to grab your attention. These rumble strips can save lives, and they can also play a crucial role in preserving your marriage.
Boundaries are like those rumble strips, helping you manage vital aspects of your relationship, such as finances, conflicts and friendships with individuals of the opposite sex. For example, when it comes to finances, it is beneficial to have open discussions about budgeting and credit card usage with your spouse. Implementing boundaries can help you both manage how, where and when you spend money.
Boundaries are equally essential for handling conflicts in a healthy manner. Practise fair and respectful communication during disagreements; avoid name-calling or belittling each other. Listen attentively to what your spouse has to say.
It is also wise to have clear boundaries in interactions with individuals of the opposite sex. Establish safeguards with colleagues of the opposite sex at work and in community gatherings.
Do not overlook other areas of your relationship that can benefit from well-defined boundaries, such as your social media interactions or the amount of quality time you allocate to your spouse.
Above all, prioritise the protection of your marriage. Set up these “rumble strips” in your relationship to help keep it on the right track before it veers too far off course.
The article was contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
