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She wanted her final journey to be in the town where she grew up and dreamed of her life after her family was torn apart when cancer took her mother, the pillar of the family. Even as dementia gradually eroded her mental faculties, the one word she constantly edged at the tip of her tongue was 'I want to go Penang.' The message later became garbled in the languages Tamil, English, and Malay as the neural connections began to die one by one. She later could only mutter 'Penang' weakly.
Some kind-hearted souls might argue that I should have sent her to Penang to comfort her in her final days. At least she would be at peace in her familiar surroundings, rather than being confined in Kuala Lumpur, feeling like an Englishman in New York. As the de facto caretaker and decision-maker, I had to make the final call. True that in the twilight years of our lives, we all yearn for the carefree days of youth and wish to return there. Like in 'Citizen Kane', 'Rosebud' was not just some cryptic code but the name of his sledge, which the protagonist cherished with innocent joy.
On the other hand, sending her to Penang would be a risky decision. With so many split-levels and staircases in her houses, an accident was just waiting to happen. A small slip and she would spiral down the rabbit hole with more malady than she already has. Here, in Kuala Lumpur, I could have her needs assessed and her safety secured with the proper assistance. Therefore, I prioritised safety over listening to her whims.
There she was in Kuala Lumpur, ageing not so gracefully with declining faculties, yet still softly uttering the name 'Penang' from time to time. The day finally came when she took her last breath, and at last, she was carried away to Penang in a hearse.
Farouk Gulsara (asokansham@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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