Father. A strong, wise and bold figure that we all visualize to be in the future and live with throughout our life. A father is not only a figure that protects you but also provides you with guidance within the family and also outer life. Many children growing up see their father as a figure of a HERO, PROTECTOR or even HIS/HER KNIGHT in shining armor guiding and supporting them physically and also emotionally.
However not every child has that type of guidance in their life. They might have a father figure but is he present for the child emotionally and physically? Growing up without guidance can mess up their identity and their self worth as they walk through their life. If a child doesn’t feel safe to grow, they will have issues within their identification, relationship and attachment, hype independence and emotionally mature. ( Lindsay, 2025 )
So, let's get into the points for a little more understanding on how it can affect a child’s life.
Identification & Self Worth
When a father is not present in the life of a child, they start to wonder about their identity. They start to question their value as if they are not important and not chosen for love. As these thoughts install in their head, they start projecting it outwards in the form of seeking validation to be loved and chosen. ( All For Kids , 2026 )
Hype independence, where they would be in need of help but struggle to reach out and end up doing it on their own. This happens when they express themselves in the need for help when they are young but ignored or even shame upon them for showing affection. ( All For Kids , 2026 )
Attachment & Relationship
As the child grows older, they would start to develop an attachment style whereby they start falling in love or have a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person just like their father did to them. With years of upbringing and relationship with the father, the child has developed a fear of abandonment as well. ( Studio Internazionale Psicologia, 2026 )
As they get into a relationship, they will either outperform to achieve their love or as soon as someone wants to get closer, they just run away from it. This situation will disturb their inability to trust upon others. They would have this inner battle of being vulnerable because our brain starts to remember what happened when our father was not there for us so we will start reacting with familiarity.
Saddening isn’t? Our first love, who is our father, became the blueprint of our life of what’s love like.
Early Independence & Emotional Maturity
Growing up without any guidance will make the child go through life on their own. Not knowing what’s wrong or right, making mistakes and being ashamed of them. This will then contribute to their self worth as well. They had to learn the hard way to be where they need to be. They have to do things on their own and have to take care of themselves on their own. Their father might be there, but he is just there. No support No helping hand. There would be a saying where people go “ Oh My God, your child is so mature at this age”, Trust me that's a compliment you don’t want to hear. ( Saul McLeod, 2025 ) Why? The child has lost his childhood years. Years where they are needed to be creative, joyful, playful and explore but end up being adults thinking and taking care of themselves. Yes, They look strong but deeply they are exhausted and yearning to be a child where they are loved and cared for. They suppress their needs so others can be happy. This results in putting themselves last and they end up getting hurt in the end.
So, To Conclude
A father is not all about authority or just providing the needs of a child physically. It’s about being present in the moment with them. To be with them through their highest and lowest. In fact not belittling them for their failures they made. After all, it's their first time in this life as well.
As for the adults who have grown up and have these issues, first of all, sorry that you have to go through all of it. We sometimes tend to create and linger around this wound for others to heal it but it would never heal unless you do. The good news is that we can heal from within. Through self reflection and more, we are able to rewire our brain for a healthier relationship, changing the void of emptiness to fullness and love.
Remember healing takes time and it happens when you first acknowledge it and feel it. Feel the grief and give yourself the love you have never received from them.
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Abirami Ravi (abirami1999ravi@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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