A Malaysian woman has shared her emotional ordeal of caring for her mother, who was diagnosed with late-stage cancer, while shouldering most of the medical costs on her own.
In a post published on “#XUAN Confession Tree”, she detailed how her life slowly changed after her mother first complained of feeling unwell.
Mum diagnosed with late-stage cancer after months of pain
According to the woman, her mother had long struggled with poor sleep and began experiencing severe pain on the left side of her back in 2023.
Their first visit to the doctor suggested it was only inflammation, and she was prescribed medication. However, a second medical opinion and further tests revealed a far more serious condition.
The diagnosis shocked the entire family. Her mother was already in the late stage of Stage 3 cancer, making surgery no longer an option. She could only undergo chemotherapy, with risks of the cancer spreading further.
Insurance delays forced family to pay out of pocket
Although her mother eventually agreed to undergo chemotherapy after initial resistance, complications arose when their insurance policy went under investigation.
This meant they were unable to use it immediately and had to turn to government hospitals for treatment.
The woman said her mother required targeted therapy drugs, which were not covered and had to be paid out of pocket. Each session cost over RM10,000.
While family members initially contributed, there were many occasions where they could not gather enough funds. She ended up covering the remaining costs herself.
Continued treatments and mounting expenses
After five rounds of chemotherapy, the woman paid for a PET scan costing over RM1,000.
Despite describing herself as someone who is usually frugal, she said she did not hesitate to spend when it came to her mother’s treatment.
However, the results were not encouraging. Her mother eventually stopped Western treatment and turned to traditional Chinese medicine, including private options that cost nearly RM10,000.
Took charge of caregiving while juggling work and family
As her mother’s condition worsened, the woman became the primary caregiver, accompanying her to medical appointments, treatments, and follow-ups.
She exhausted her annual leave and began taking medical leave to continue caring for her mother, noting that she could not leave her alone as she does not understand Malay and is illiterate.
Determined not to give up, she later arranged for her mother to see a specialist at University Malaya, leading to frequent trips between Johor Bahru and Kuala Lumpur.
Most of the time, she was accompanied by her husband and child. When he was unavailable, she travelled alone with her mother by plane or car.
This routine continued for about a year.
Family tensions arise over insurance claims
After some time, the insurance claim was finally approved, and treatment shifted to a hospital in Melaka.
However, tensions escalated when her brother allegedly brought their mother to change the insurance policyholder, claiming it was due to an error in the documents.
Unaware of the situation, her mother signed the papers. The woman later discovered that the claim money had been credited to her brother’s account, although he denied receiving it.
The issue led to disputes within the family, including arguments between her brother and sisters.
Financial burden and lack of support take a toll
The woman shared that despite her mother’s intention to leave property to her son and some cash to her daughters, the reality of medical expenses was overwhelming.
Even with insurance, many costs still had to be paid out of pocket.
Due to dissatisfaction with her brother’s handling of the insurance claims, she stopped handing over certain receipts, as only he could process the claims and receive the funds.
She also claimed that while her brother had only contributed to the insurance premiums briefly, their father had been covering most of it over the years.
“Sometimes I secretly cry”
Currently, her mother lives with her, and she bears most of the daily expenses.
Although other family members occasionally contribute, she said the responsibility largely falls on her.
As her mother’s condition continues to deteriorate, she tries her best to provide anything that might help. However, when it comes to costly treatments, others often say they are financially constrained.
The woman admitted that she sometimes breaks down in private.
I don’t understand why some people can so easily walk away from their responsibilities,” she wrote.
She added that she has to juggle work, family responsibilities, and her mother’s illness, while even her own child’s needs require careful financial consideration.
Though she continues to smile in front of others, she said she often feels exhausted and overwhelmed when she is alone.
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