Marriage Dilemma 💑 Buying a ring before proposal - Romantic or Risky?

Let me paint you a picture. You finally found the ONE! Before you realize, your mind has already painted SO many versions of the life you’re gonna have with your partner, as if you’re Doctor Strange when looking into the Multiverse! So naturally, you. think. of. PROPOSING!

No matter if you’re popping the question in the MOST EXTRAVAGANT, ROMANTIC, ALL-EYES-ON-YOU gesture or proposing in the most intimate and personal setting, you will first need to think about buying a ring!

Now, here’s the tricky part. We’ve been conditioned by dramatic TV shows and love stories that wedding proposals should ALWAYS be a surprise - and that includes “The Ring”. But how do you know what type of ring your partner actually wants?

There could be a MILLION things to consider before buying:

1. Do you go for the traditional diamond stone or something RARE like the LOVE you both have for each other?
2. What ring size? How do you measure without them knowing?
3. What kind of design? Semi-mounted, band or halo?
4. Is this an engagement ring? Do you and your partner have enough funds to purchase another set of wedding rings?

And even for some cases - do they want a ring at all? You might think I’m exaggerating this to make some lover-boy rethink his whole decision about marriage. But an engagement ring is a HUGE purchase that also signifies the beginning of the next chapter in your life.

So Here’s Where I Stand… As a ‘Woman’

While I do not speak for the whole womanhood and please DO NOT assume that this is what your partner automatically wants, I think guys should just ask. Consider having a conversation with your partner and opening up the topic of marriage and proposal. DO NOT only ask about the type of ring that they want. But also ask about when you should propose to them.

“Huh? Isn’t it supposed to be a surprise?”

Yes… and no. The thing is, marriage is no joke. It comes with a ton of responsibility, especially financial responsibility. Let’s say you both want to buy a house after getting married - are you financially ready to take on a new commitment?

And what about your careers? You may need to discuss the career goals that you both want to achieve in your jobs and see if your marriage would affect anything in the near future. And if it does, setting a timeline could help both parties to meet in the middle while not sacrificing anyone’s visions and sense of achievement. There are other aspects that need to be taken into consideration as well like having children, living arrangements or simply just if they believe in marriage at all.

The type of proposal is also something you should ask too. Personally, I like surprises… so DO NOT ask for specific details, don’t let them explain the step-by-step of their entire proposal (but please check with your partners - I do have some friends who hate surprises). But it’s essential to know if your partner wants to have their family and friends present. And if you’re planning for a public proposal with strangers around, I think it’s also best to check if your partner is comfortable with that idea!

If I buy the ring liao, what if she doesn't like it?

With the long-winded, heavy and serious talk out of the way, let’s talk about the actual buying of “The Ring”.

I heard many stories. An acquaintance of mine, had once staged a ring tester booth in the corridors of a mall where his girlfriend usually shopped at. That’s how he got her ring size as well as the type of rings she liked. Then, I also heard of the more direct approach by my brother-in-law who literally just brought my sister to a jewelry shop where they shopped together for the actual ring. While I found the first story - more romantic yet ever so slightly manipulative, I also found the direct approach to be safer from second thoughts and financial regrets.

For my own relationship, on the other hand, I openly discussed it with my boyfriend and we both agreed that we would want to choose our own rings together to make sure that the forever symbols of our love is what we want to wear for the rest of our lives.

While every couple is different, I would like to fearlessly say that “the ring surprise” culture where the ring is bought and shown to the other half only during the proposal - is overrated - not every couple knows the ins and outs of the style or design that the other half would love. And if purchased wrongly, it may lead to financial loss or unsettled feelings throughout the marriage. How you want to avoid and minimize these potential consequences is depending on your relationship chemistry and the needs of you and your partners.

So, how would you decide? Comment down below!

Summer Yang is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!

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