By Dr Victor SL Tan
Father’s Day is a meaningful time for us to pause and reflect on the sacred responsibility, quiet sacrifices and fulfilling joy of being a father. Many fathers, especially in our Asian culture, often see their primary role as being the provider of the family. This is understandable. A father feels a deep responsibility to ensure that there is food on the table, shelter over the family, education for the children, and a reasonable level of comfort and security for those he loves.
Yes, providing is important. A father should do his best, according to his ability, to give his family a good life. Financial achievement may not be everything, but it certainly provides a sense of security. When the family knows that the father is working hard, planning wisely and doing his best, it brings confidence and peace to the home. On the other hand, when a father is in dire need, heavily burdened by debts, or constantly struggling financially, it can create fear, uncertainty and anxiety within the family.
However, while provision is important, a father must also be wise about how he provides. He must work hard, but he must also work smart. He must earn his way honestly, without sacrificing his moral values, health, family time and peace of mind. No amount of money is worth losing one’s character, marriage, health or relationship with the children. A father who gains success outside but loses the closeness of his family may one day discover that he has become successful, but lonely.
In my own journey, I have seen how important it is to balance ambition with family. I am indeed blessed with a wonderful and understanding family with my beloved wife, Juliet, my daughters, Jermaine and Jesslyn and my son, Valenz. As a consultant, trainer and author, there are always projects to complete, clients to serve, books to write and opportunities to pursue. It is easy to be driven by deadlines and responsibilities. Yet, over the years, I have learned that the most meaningful achievements are not only found in titles, fees, projects or recognition. They are also found in the simple joy of seeing our children grow, having meals together, having honest conversations, praying for the family, and knowing that our presence brings comfort to those we love.
A father must also give quality time to his spouse and children. When children are growing up, they do not only need money; they need guidance, encouragement, affirmation and direction. They need a father who listens, advises, corrects with love, and inspires them to pursue their dreams. A father’s words can either build confidence or break the spirit of a child. That is why a father must speak life, hope and courage into the hearts of his children.
Sometimes, a simple word from a father can remain in the heart of a child for many years. When a father says, “I believe in you,” “You can do better,” “Do not give up,” or “I am proud of you,” those words can become a source of strength. Children may not always show it openly, but deep inside, they value the approval, encouragement and blessing of their father.
Another important role of a father is to be a mediator and peacemaker in the family. No family is perfect. There will be differences, misunderstandings and sometimes quarrels between husband and wife, between mother and children, or between siblings. In such moments, a father should not add fire to the conflict. He should bring calmness, fairness and wisdom. He must be impartial, positive and comforting. He should not take sides blindly but help everyone see the bigger picture.
A good father protects the unity of the family. He does not allow pride, anger, jealousy or misunderstanding to destroy family relationships. He teaches the family that peace is more important than winning an argument, and love is more important than proving who is right. Especially as we grow older, we realise that family peace is one of the greatest gifts in life. When the children are safe, when siblings get along well, and when husband and wife support one another, there is a deep joy that money alone cannot buy.
A father must also be a role model. He cannot merely tell his children to be disciplined if he himself is careless. He cannot tell them to have ambition if he has no drive. He cannot tell them to work hard if he gives up easily. He cannot tell them to care for others if he is selfish. Children learn not only from what their father says, but also from what he does.
If a father wants his children to pursue excellence, he must also show the spirit of excellence. If he wants them to be positive, he must demonstrate positivity. If he wants them to be resilient, he must show them how to rise again after setbacks. In my own life, I have faced challenges, disappointments and physical pain. Even in my health journey, especially when I had to recover and rebuild my strength after a bad slip disc condition through walking and discipline, I was reminded that example speaks louder than advice. When our children see us persevering and not giving up, they learn that life is not about avoiding difficulties but overcoming them with faith and determination.
A father must also love his wife sincerely and openly. This is one of the greatest gifts he can give to his children. The way a father treats the mother of his children will shape their understanding of love, marriage and respect. If a father honours, protects and appreciates his wife, the children will feel safe. They will grow up with a sense of trust and emotional security.
But if a father does not show love to his wife, it may affect the children deeply. A daughter may become suspicious or fearful of her future life partner. A son may wrongly think that it is acceptable to neglect or mistreat his own wife one day. Therefore, a father’s love for his wife is not only a private matter between husband and wife; it becomes a living lesson for the children.
Fatherhood is not only about providing financial needs. It is about contributing to the positive development of the family in every area: moral, spiritual, social, mental and physical well-being. A father should care about the character of his children, not only their career. He should care about their values, not only their success. He should care about their faith, health, friendships, attitude and emotional well-being.
The fulfilling joy of fatherhood comes when a father sees his family walking in love, peace, purpose and unity. It is the joy of knowing that he has done his best, not perfectly, but sincerely. It is the joy of seeing his children grow into responsible, caring and purposeful adults. It is the joy of knowing that his wife feels loved and supported. It is the joy of seeing the family become a blessing to others.
No father is perfect. We all have our weaknesses, regrets and moments where we could have done better. But Father’s Day reminds us that it is never too late to love more deeply, listen more patiently, forgive more quickly, guide more wisely and live more meaningfully.
At the end of the day, the greatest legacy of a father is not merely the wealth he leaves behind, but the love, values, faith, wisdom and example he plants in the hearts of his family. That is the true fulfilling joy of fatherhood.
“The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him.” — Proverbs 20:7
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY.
Dr Victor SL Tan is the Chief Executive Officer of KL Strategic Change Consulting Group. He is an author 21 books including Changing Mindsets, Releasing Trapped Minds, Changing Your Corporate Culture and Lessons of Tan Sri Teh Hong Piow (the late founder of Public Bank Berhad). KL Strategic Change Consulting Group is the winner of The Brandlaureate Award for the company that makes the most positive and profitable impact on organisations through corporate training. For more free articles you can contact him at victorsltan@klscc.com or whatsapp at 0123903168.
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