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By Mihar Dias (C) Copyright August 2024
Ah, yes, Kuala Lumpur, our beloved capital, where the Petronas Towers pierce the sky, nasi lemak reigns supreme, and a walk down Jalan Masjid India could occasionally lead to a surprise dip into a sinkhole.
Now, we hear the Johor State Legislative Assembly Speaker, Datuk Dr. Mohd Puad Zarkashi, has floated an idea that many of us have quietly considered while wading through floodwaters: Perhaps it's time to move the capital somewhere safer. Maybe somewhere a little less… muddy.
Puad, ever the forward thinker, suggested KL should pack its bags and relocate to a place that isn’t a valley, free from the perils of floods, landslides, and tourists being swallowed whole by the earth.
His proposal doesn’t just stop there. Once KL is safely perched on higher ground, he suggests we rename it to something more fitting for its newfound flood-free existence: Tanpa Lumpur.
Or, for our non-Malay speakers, Without Mud.
While this may seem like a practical suggestion, it opens up a world of delightful possibilities.
Why stop at Tanpa Lumpur when we could go for something snappier, like Without Puddles (WP)? It's an acronym for Wilayah Persekutuan or Federal Territory like Washihgton D.C. in the USA.
You have to admit, there's a certain charm to telling someone, "I’m flying to Without Puddles today."
It certainly sounds drier. And for those among us who have been stranded in KL traffic due to impromptu rain-induced lakes, this could be the branding change we need.
Puad's concerns aren't unfounded, of course. Recently, KL has seen its fair share of watery disasters, from the flooded halls of the World Trade Center (WTC) during UMNO's general assembly to the aforementioned sinkhole incident in Jalan Masjid India that swallowed an unsuspecting tourist from India.
It's all a bit too dramatic, isn't it? I mean, shouldn't we at least give tourists a choice in whether they'd like to experience our capital via boat?
And what of the solutions offered? As Puad pointed out, the absence of the Minister in the Prime Minister's Department (Federal Territory), Dr. Zaliha Mustafa, during some of these disasters has raised a few eyebrows.
After all, nothing says "Welcome to Kuala Lumpur" quite like a minister showing up after a sinkhole swallows someone. Perhaps we're expecting too much. It’s not every day a tourist becomes part of the natural disaster.
Puad also made an interesting comparison, mentioning Indonesia's decision to move its capital from Jakarta to Kalimantan due to similar concerns.
Apparently, while we were busy admiring our ability to make even the most modern city feel like Venice after a downpour, Indonesia has taken the drastic step of just… moving.
Because when your capital is sinking, sometimes the best solution is to stand up, dust off your feet (preferably mud-free), and walk away.
But moving the capital of Malaysia? It's not an entirely new idea. We've seen Putrajaya emerge as the shiny administrative capital, with its beautiful bridges and orderly streets, though some would argue it's a little too perfect. No potholes, no flash floods—where's the character in that?
And yet, if KL keeps playing host to the occasional mini-Apocalypse, we might just find ourselves considering the idea of Without Mud more seriously.
Imagine the conversations in this hypothetical new capital. "Welcome to Tanpa Lumpur, where the streets are dry, the ground is solid, and the only thing sinking is property prices elsewhere." Businesses could boom, free from the threat of their storefronts being submerged, and tourists could confidently stroll the streets without fearing an impromptu mud bath.
In the meantime, perhaps the best we can do is invest in some good rain boots, a sturdy umbrella, and maybe start brushing up on our real estate options in Kalimantan.
Or at least start preparing ourselves mentally for the day we might actually have to say, “Well, looks like it’s time to move the capital—again.”
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