It's not easy to let go, what more if we have been in the workforce for umpteen years. I was not prepared to let go but I knew I had to. Almost a year prior to my quitting, I had started to explore all the options for me to reinvent the wheel. I couldn't accept the fact that I'm wrapping up - I'm still active and learning, I'm still relevant and I've lots more to contribute - why am I giving up what I have love doing for so many years. So, I started writing an Ebook to account the whole rollercoaster of my emotions and confusions. Undeniably, there were lots of fear and uncertainty. I signed up for courses, I had planned to start a learning center, and a few other projects. I thought I was fully prepared for that day but I was so heart-broken that a few days before the final departure, I broke down and cried in the school hall for about 45 minutes (according to my ex-colleagues). I didn't intend to and couldn't explain, I just cried to my heart's content.
I love what I have been doing for the past three decades, especially the last 16 years in my last school-a private national school. It was such a deep learning curve for me, and I have enjoyed making a difference in the lives of teachers and students. Then came a time when I felt emotionally tired to continue my mantra, I made a decision to let go and let God.
Since mid-February 2025, I have not looked back because I have decided that moving forward is more important now. Looking back with regrets is only going to exhaust me emotionally. Meanwhile, I have come across articles written by some other people about their emotional experience of leaving their full time. I'm not alone! We are all looking for a new direction as we experience a sense of identity lost and a need to reinvent the wheel. We desire to be still active and relevant. Some of us in this category are worried that we may be forgotten and forced to stay silent and dwindle away. Oh dear, now that I reminisce, I felt so stressful during the transition time, trying to keep everything in tact and continue my mission of educating and making a difference, especially in the lives of new teachers. So much to share with them, so much to support them, so much to show them the right way, so much more….and also the students… Then it dawned on me one day- “It's okay, ” I told myself. They will be taken care of in the natural cause. I shouldn't be worried anymore.
So I moved on, slowly and gradually I have finally found peace, joy and contentment in my so called ‘retirement’. I don't fancy that word, I prefer ‘transition’. To me, there is no retirement. If fact, doing nothing and waiting for the years to pass us by is dreadful and scary. It is because of this view, earlier during the transition period, I frantically looked for ways to find new life and adventures fearing that I would be bored to death by having nothing much to do. I'm still exploring ways to live a richer and more fulfilling way, just that now I have peace and come to terms with myself that there are so many more things I'm yet to explore and experience. I have learned to tackle my fears by bringing them to God and let Him guide me in ways that He knows best for me. I have taken the bull by its horn!
Age is just a number, our attitude and mentality will guide us through the challenges while we live in the senior years. We don't have to redefine our identity, God will take care of it. I have never felt so free in my spirit and soul. In fact, I now find insufficient time to indulge in things that I enjoy. I used to overthink such as why do this and that, what's next after I've done this and that. It's so silly of me to be stuck at the thoughts because they can immobilize us. Now, I just do it! The time has also come for us to spend our hard-earned money to make a difference in our own lives and also the lives of others in ways that only God knows.
I should say I have surrendered and I'm happier now that I have unloaded the baggage of reinventing my identity and reinventing the wheel. There is a season for everything, just enjoy the season when it comes. Cheers!
GAN BH (bhgan1706@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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