Bro, I nearly choked on my espresso when I read that, Ahmad Zahid, ya. The same guy. Wants to bring the World Cup here. Meriam buluh only lah this one, big boom, plenty of smoke, but when you look inside… empty. All talk no ball.
Let’s be real. The only thing we host better than football is open tenders. And we all know how that movie ends. Stadium? Songlap. Toilet? Songlap. Paint the padang lines? Also songlap. By the time World Cup kicks off, the grass is cow grass, the floodlights are Shopee RM49 specials, and the VIP toilet still has no water. But don’t worry, the plaque will say “RM2.8 billion state-of-the-art facility”. Very nice.
Host the World Cup? Aiyo. My toes are laughing until cramp. Even my neighbor’s cat laughed. We’re ranked somewhere next to teams that only play football during office sports day. You want Erling Haaland and Mbappe to come here and play at Stadium Shah Alam… oh wait, that one still got roof problem, right? Or maybe we ferry them to the field by Bas Rapid, stuck at the toll for 45 minutes because Touch ‘n Go tak cukup baki. Half time already, our players still stuck at PLUS highway eating R&R nasi lemak.
And the confidence level, walao. This is the same logic as his 47 court cases just announce “I’m innocent” and poof, case closed. Football also same? Just say “we host World Cup” then FIFA will fax the contract tomorrow? Bang, you cannot wake up from tidur, stretch a bit, then run 100km ultra marathon.
Train first. Walk first. Maybe qualify for AFF Cup final first before we talk World Cup, can?
Go down to any mamak at 11pm. Order roti kosong. Ask the people. Ask the Grab uncle, the aunty selling nasi lemak, the kid wearing JDT jersey. Ask them, “Bro, should we host World Cup?” See how many throw the sugar packet at you. You can be DPM, can be PM, can be King of the Universe but if you don’t know the pulse of the rakyat, you’re just syok sendiri talking to the mirror.
And don’t forget our special season. Once FIFA comes, confirm some PAS fella will hold press conference: “Players must wear long pants. No aurat shown on padang. Also, no music during goal celebration because lagha.” Then halftime got ceramah. Referee must be certified halal. Joke of the century, but in Malaysia, joke always becomes policy by Tuesday.
Let’s be honest with ourselves. The only two ways Malaysia plays in a World Cup: one, we host it. Two, we “import” 11 “Malaysian” players born in Brazil who suddenly found their great-grandfather’s IC in a drawer. And after that foreign player IC scandal last time, you think FIFA still answers our phone calls? They see +60, they block number lah.
FAM and FIFA relationship now is like ex-couple who block each other on WhatsApp. You want to borrow their car? Sembang kedai kopi boleh la. In real world, cannot.
We rakyat are tired, man. Tired of politicians’ impossible dreams that turn into our nightmares. Dream big, sure. But don’t make us pay for your dream with tax money, broken stadiums, and international malu.
You want to unite Malaysians? Easy. Don’t host World Cup. Host International RXZ Gathering. Confirm 200,000 bikes show up. Traffic from JB to Perlis. No need VAR, no need FIFA approval. Just give free 2T oil and everyone votes for you next GE.
Until then, DPM, please. Before you kick the ball, check if we even have shoes. And maybe go for that full medical check-up. Brain CT scan included. Just in case.
ENDS
By
Sam Trailerman
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