JUNE 5 — It's an Asian thing. Or maybe not.
As Asians, we are proud of our Asian culture. There is irony in that.
Yes, I am aware that Asia is diverse and that there are, in fact many cultures. But there are some common traits among them, and one is to value humility. Maybe it is not so uniquely Asian after all since “Pride comes before a fall” or variations thereof date from the Bible, in many languages.
In the days of the British empire and the rise of independence after WW2, English was widely used in education throughout Asia.
“Don’t be proud!” was a universal exhortation from well-meaning elders to the young. What they really meant was don’t be arrogant, conceited, haughty, snobbish, etc, and many other similar English words with negative connotations.
So, we grew up trying to be good boys and girls, which meant to be not proud, but to be humble, modest, unassuming, soft-spoken, ordinary, shy, timid, etc.
If you do well in something and receive praise for it, the proper response is “No lah, just lucky lah”, or something self-deprecating like that. It was the sign of a good upbringing.
As a young teen in the early 1970s, Muhammad Ali was regular headline news around the world. Despite enjoying boxing and admiring his superlative physical prowess in the ring, I did not like Ali. The reason was simple, he was boastful and vain. He called himself “The Greatest”, and promised he would whoop his next opponent, and the one after that, that was so uncool.
Forty years later, having experienced life in various parts of the world far removed from sleepy Kuching town where I grew up, I have modified my views and beliefs.
While it is still good to be humble, generally, OVERDOING it can have negative effects. I stress and repeat OVERDOING because, like many things, there is such a thing as an optimum, just as there is too little, and too much.
The main shortcoming with this obsession to be humble is its impact on confidence when facing new challenges.
There are times when we need to tell ourselves “YES! I am good, I am competent, I am capable, I am going to do this, and I am going to ace it!”. Because, if you don’t believe this, you have as good as failed even before you start.
How can you win a battle if you go into it doubting your own strength, or being overawed by the foe?
Ironically, conmen and scammers often succeed because they instil CONFIDENCE in their victims. That’s where the “CON” in conman comes from. They make you feel confident in them and their stories, so you act according to their wishes.
That’s a bad thing so why am I bringing it up in a positive message?
Because if a stranger can instil confidence in you over some shady scheme, it means that you can also instil confidence in yourself for some higher, positive purpose. It is a mind game, and if you keep telling yourself that you cannot, then you are right. Conversely, if you tell yourself that you CAN, then you can, even if you fail initially.
Confidence alone is not enough, because there is such a thing as overconfidence, and false confidence. Real confidence must be built on real knowledge and skills, and combined into a potent force.
Conversely, a knowledgeable and skilled person who lacks confidence and constantly feels self-doubt will fail because the very first hurdle or challenge faced will reinforce the belief that all is doomed.
Add a dose of persistence and determination. Even if you have full confidence going into a venture knowing that you have all 10 elements necessary for success, you may find that there is, in fact, an eleventh requisite item that you did not know about. Learn and do again, but better.
When you have conquered the world, say with a World Championship title in hand, you are entitled to be proud. And, confident that you can and will win another, and another.
If a multiple-world champion like Valentino Rossi says “I can” or “I will win”, he is not arrogant or cocky, but just being well aware of his capabilities.
This is a trait that is not a natural-born talent, but a skill that can be taught and learned. Just as we were taught to be humble, we can learn to be confident.
As a “natural” introvert, I was thrust into an alien environment all alone in 1981, when I went to study in Perth, Western Australia, without any of my school friends coming along.
During a semester breaks, I signed up for part-time work as a door-to-door encyclopaedia salesman. After a week of intensive training (brainwashing, if you like) in Positive Mental Attitude, “what the mind of man can conceive, man can achieve” and other “rah rah” can-do mumbo-jumbo (long before Malaysia Boleh), I was set onto the streets of suburban W.A. to flog tomes of knowledge.
I was still sceptical but it was something to do, and I did receive some pay for the effort. At the end of a first day of rejection after rejection, I was exhausted as I waited at a designated phone booth for my pick-up.
Since my ride was late, I saw one house I had not canvassed and decided to make one last try. To may surprise, everything went exactly as the trainers had said, and I made a sale. When my supervisor showed up, he was also jubilant and told me I was the first ever to achieve a sale — an ice breaker — on Day #1!
Lessons learned that day. What you tell yourself you can do, you can. Even trained and psyched up, success may still be elusive, but it could also be the next door you knock on, or not. It is a numbers game. Do everything right and your success rate may be 1%, which means you have to knock on 101 doors. Or 202.
When you have confidence in yourself (backed with deeds, of course), others will have confidence in you. Much later on, nearing the end of my professional working days, I had to ask a former boss for a testimonial for my next potential employer. She replied, by email, “Write it for me, Paul. And don’t be shy about your accomplishments.” I still have that email, though I never went for that job after all. Thank you, Boss, for the confidence in me.
*This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Malay Mail.
