Raya had been home to me most of my life.
It was a long ride back to our hometown where we all the whole family would live under one roof. Noise never stopped, warmth never stopped, something always happened. The kitchen would be bustling, the house would be crowded, and somehow, the celebration was larger than one day. It was like a reunion not only to a place, but also to a version of us that was not in existence outside of Raya.
It was our yearly tradition until 2018 when my grandmother passed away.
Then it all became different.
Since 2018, each celebration was somehow different than the previous one since my family no longer visited our hometown when Raya occurred. It was still Raya, only it was no longer the Raya I grew up with. Perhaps, that is what grief does. It does not necessarily steal the celebration out of the bottle, but it alters its sound, its rhythm, its soul. Time went by, and life continued to take new turns, and gradually I came to know that even traditions can become strangers.
Thereafter, I moved to Malaysia in March 2024, as an international student.
Since then, I have gone back home at different times of the year, but not once for Raya. That became one of the hardest things for me to accept initially. Festive seasons have a way of making distance feel heavier. In 2024 and 2025, while everyone around me seemed to be celebrating, I was carrying homesickness very quietly. I was far from my parents, my siblings, my friends, and all the familiar little things that once made Raya feel complete.
In a different country, with very few people around me in the beginning, Raya felt emotionally overwhelmed. I was not just missing home; I was missing the version of myself that knew how to enjoy it.
The loneliness was hard to explain. It is strange how celebrations can make absences feel even louder.
But over time, something beautiful happened.
I made friends here. Slowly, I managed to find a group of people who were not only friends or peers, but also their own family. And perhaps that is what rescued this year's Raya in me.
An enhanced bond with other people and emotional support has been associated with better mental health, especially during periods of isolation and major life changes (Holt-Lunstad, 2024).
This year, unlike in many years, I felt that I celebrated Raya the way I really desired to.
My friends and I prepared the food we would have at home. The aroma of the food itself was therapeutic. It was the kind of comfort that does not come from luxury, but from memory. We went for prayers at Masjid Negara, and that moment meant more to me than I can put into words. In the last two years, my mood had been so low that I could not even attend the prayer. But this year, I could. This year, I wanted to.
And somehow, Kuala Lumpur made it even more special.
The Malaysian Hari Raya is celebrated extensively with festive decorations, collective gatherings, and a sense of togetherness, which is noticeably apparent throughout Kuala Lumpur during the period (Tourism Malaysia, 2025). However, the sense of the city itself remained with me the most. KL on Raya was gentler. The lights looked warmer. The roads, so unusually empty, made everything feel peaceful and almost cinematic. For once, the city that is usually so fast felt like it had slowed down enough for people to breathe, gather, and simply be present.
That peacefulness reached me, too.
I went out with friends. I laughed more. I ate the food I love. I even played pickleball on Raya day, and to me, that says everything. Because it made me realize how different this year was from the last two. I had the mental and social energy to leave my room, to be with people, and to enjoy the day without forcing myself through it.
Of course, I still missed home. I missed my parents and siblings deeply. I missed the familiar chaos, the Eid goodies, and the people who have known me my whole life. Such a lack does not disappear, particularly at festivities.
Nevertheless, this year taught me one lesson that I will never forget easily: the distance between homes does not necessarily mean loneliness.
Home can at times be the people in your life. In the friends who cook and eat with you. In the city that unexpectedly comforts you. In the messages and calls from relatives and friends you do not talk to every day, but who still remember you during the moments that matter most.
Maybe that is one of the most beautiful things about Raya. It softens people. It makes us remember to reach out, to forgive, to remember, and to care. Evidence indicates that rituals and common communal experiences can boost positive emotion and enhance social bonding, and it may be possible to explain the reasons behind the ability of festive events such as Raya to feel emotionally restorative (Charles et al., 2021).
After spending two years of my degree life in Malaysia, this was the first Raya here that truly felt like mine.
Not because it was the same as home.
But because, after a long time, it finally felt like joy found me again.
References:
Charles, S. J., Van Mulukom, V., Brown, J. E., Watts, F., Dunbar, R. I. M., & Farias, M. (2021). United on Sunday: The effects of secular rituals on social bonding and affect. PLoS ONE, 16(1), e0242546. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0242546
Holt‐Lunstad, J. (2024). Social connection as a critical factor for mental and physical health: evidence, trends, challenges, and future implications. World Psychiatry, 23(3), 312–332. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.21224
Tourism Malaysia. (2025, April 1). Malaysia welcomes visitors with festive Hari Raya Aidilfitri celebrations. https://www.tourism.gov.my/media/view/malaysia-welcomes-visitors-with-festive-hari-raya-aidilfitri-celebrations?
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