I wonder what it’s like not to care anymore. It must feel very liberating. But then as human beings, we’re not programmed that way, aren’t we? We are wired to want order, structure, progress. I think that’s probably why so many of us are entrapped within the system and why we are so stressed.
I have always wanted to “run away” for as long as I could remember, since the day I turned 13. I don’t know what I wanted to run away from, but I know that I hate being controlled, and hate feeling suffocated in any way, shape, or form. I want to be “free”, whatever that means.
Of course, life doesn’t work that way. You can run away from the small things like an annoying friend, a class you don’t like, or a controlling partner, but in general, you can’t just do whatever you want and live how you like. There are rules and a way to live if you want to be accepted by society. You have to go to school where you’re called “excellent” and “clever” if you manage to come in number 1 in class for memorizing facts and counting.
You have to go to college and study for a piece of paper that will determine your worth. You then have “work” – which translates to sitting in a grey cubicle for 8-9 hours a day with a bunch of people that you don’t like and eating unhealthy food in a basement and only going home when it gets dark.
This is just life from my perspective. Obviously, there are people out there who love their jobs and love to study and go to school.
I am not one of those people. I want adventure, and I want
to see the world. I want to be able to cross deserts on camels, see the pyramids, and maybe explore Mongolia by horseback and train. I want to go on an expedition to
Alaska and the Antarctic and see the penguins, walruses, and whatever else is up
there. I want to journey through Europe and bask in the glory of the ancient
palaces. I want to go on a snowy carriage ride in Russia.
As you get older you know deep down that what you want in life,
well, at least 90% of it, will never be realized. I am not a materialistic
person so I am not after that amazing apartment overlooking the city skyline or
that new Mercedes or BMW. I just want to be free, whatever that means. Fun fact: I have been called "weird" plenty of times because of this just because I don't want what everyone else wants - a big house, a fancy car, a family with multiple kids.
Unfortunately in this life, you can’t be free if you’re not born into a rich family with tons of generational wealth to finance you through your hobbies and passions. Naively, when I first started working at 21, I thought that if I worked hard enough to prove my worth I would be able to make more money and be rich.
Then I realized that you can’t be rich by working in an office. You’ve got to be entrepreneurial, which I am sadly not. So here I am - after 4 decades of living “life” as we know it on this earth - in the same place as I’ve always been since the day I started school - at a desk, working. The same place I would probably be for the next 4 decades of my life, dreaming about exploring the world.
Before I end this post, I realize that most of the things I post here aren’t rainbows and sunshine, as is the trend these days. (I believe they refer to this as “toxic positivity”). But I am not forcing anyone to read my posts and if you’re reading, think of it as your daily dose of reality. Not that you need any more but hey, at least you read something today.
End.
Diana Abd is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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