Editorial Remark: This content is satirical and opinion-based, reflecting the author’s personal views. It is not intended to defame, insult, or target any individual, group, or institution and may contain humor or exaggeration for entertainment purposes.
(A satirical look at our legal system)
The question once posed by Charles Dickens — “Is the law an ass?” — has found its spiritual home in Malaysia. Recent developments suggest not only is the law an ass, it is a VVIP donkey dressed in designer batik, chauffeured in a Vellfire, and escorted by outriders all the way to Pavilion Mall.
Zahid’s Vanishing Act
One very senior minister made headlines last year when his 47 corruption and money laundering charges linked to welfare organosation evaporated under the now-famous DNAA (Discharge Not Amounting to Acquittal).
Legal experts explained DNAA as a “technical procedure.” In practice, it appears closer to a “Delete Key” for politicians.
“DNAA doesn’t mean he’s innocent,” one analyst said. “It just means the charges are sleeping, like a dragon in hibernation. Of course, in Malaysia, dragons sleep forever.”
Supporters outside court wept with joy, holding banners that read: “Z you are our saviour”. One even shouted, “Next GE, he will save us!” To which a pasar malam trader muttered, “Yes, from our money.”
The Growing DNAA Club
He is not alone in this exclusive fraternity. Other honorary members include:
- An MP impicated in a road project corruption – DNAA.
A Sabah politician and his wife Felcra bribery) – DNAA.
and few others…
“The DNAA list is starting to look like open house,” quipped one activist. “Everyone’s invited, except the rakyat.”
Najib’s Mansion Prison
Then comes the star of the show: Najib Razak, convicted in the 1MDB scandal and sentenced to 12 years in Kajang Prison. After a royal pardon cut his sentence in half, whispers now grow that Najib could be transferred to house arrest.
But this isn’t your average rumah flat. Najib’s “house” is a mansion with chandeliers, golf simulators, and possibly more bathrooms than most Malaysians have friends on Facebook.
“Confining Najib there is cruel,” said one supporter. “He will suffer terribly if the WiFi drops.”
Sources say Najib is already planning a vlog series, “House Arrest Diaries”, with episodes such as:
- Ep. 1: Lobster Thermidor Without Truffle Oil – A Survivor’s Tale
- Ep. 2: Netflix Buffering – My Darkest Hour
Compassion, Malaysian-Style
Officials insist these decisions show Malaysia’s “compassionate justice.”
But compassion seems highly selective. Makcik Ros, fined RM1,000 for selling nasi lemak during lockdown, was unimpressed. “Najib gets compassion in a mansion, I get summons in the market,” she sighed.
Grab driver Hafiz was equally blunt: “I checked Waze at a traffic light and got RM300 fine. Maybe I should steal RM3 million next time. At least then I’ll get bunga manggar outside court.”
Coming Soon: DNAA on Sale
Adding to the rakyat’s bewilderment, rumours spread yesterday of a bold new innovation.
BREAKING (Satire Service): Shopee is reportedly preparing to sell “DNAA Express Vouchers” during its 9.9 Mega Sale. For RM9.90, buyers receive instant legal relief. Early birds get a complimentary House Arrest Starter Kit: rose-gold ankle monitor, Netflix Premium, and free GrabFood delivery worth RM50.
When asked if this undermines confidence in the justice system, one “senior source” replied:
“No, lah. This is Malaysia. We call it digital transformation.”
So, is the law an ass in Malaysia? Analysts say yes. Not just an ass, but a pampered donkey fed on taxpayer carrots, paraded in Gucci sunglasses, and escorted to five-star buffets after each court appearance.
As one weary rakyat outside court remarked:
“Here, the law isn’t blind. She’s just shopping.”
Dr. D. Ananda (david5299@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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