You have to be "heartless" if you want to be in this line. Truly disconnect your emotions from your life in order to focus on solutions. But sometimes you know the battle will be lost, before it has begun. So you look for the next best thing as you know it is impossible to do what it is you really want to do.
H is a 9 year old girl. One of the patients from our latest medical outreach here in Semporna. She is undocumented, poor, uneducated and yes...truly without a future.
When the medical team suspected she had heart disease, arrangements were made for her to undergo a proper evaluation at Tawau Hospital. We could afford the journey and the logistics for the trip. The medical team also donated to make it happen as registration etc also cost money for a non documented child.
But the news was not good. The moment the diagnosis was provided, and the cost for an operation mentioned, we knew it was a death sentence. Just suspended.
I have no hope this amount can be raised. Maybe if she was a documented Malaysian, especially in Semenanjung..there was a chance. For a Bajau Laut girl...living on an isolated island...forget it. Don't even bother fighting for it. THIS IS LIFE. THIS IS FACT.
I have learned to make decisions fast, to ignore and push away what I emotionally want, and focus on the next best thing. In this case, it is to see what we can do to make her remaining days comfortable. Inside, there is someone trying to say "Let's fight for her. Give her a chance".
But that voice is pushed down...deep deep down into an abyss and locked away so that the voice that remains, can focus on the needful and achievable.
Sometimes people think that I am heartless. Without emotions, when they see how fast I react to situations that are emotionally disturbing. I tell you now, it has to be this way.
One day I may break. But not today. Not today. Someone needs to make the hard decisions. Someone needs to do what is needed. Somehow we always need to keep moving on regardless of how we feel.
Sometimes, all the time...you can't afford to feel.
William Cheah is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav.
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