(Full disclosure: this entire article is my personal observation from 25++ years of Malaysian road experience. No academic sources. Just pattern recognition and mild trauma.)
Malaysia has its own unique driver taxonomy. These are not scientific categories. They are spiritual archetypes. You will recognise every single one of them because you have either been behind them or, if you're being truly honest, you have been one of them.
1. The Emergency Lane Ninja. Knows that the emergency lane is for emergencies. Defines "emergency" as "being late." Proceeds with extraordinary confidence, driving at full highway speed in a lane reserved for actual crises, making brief eye contact with the ambulance driver waiting behind them. Has never once considered the irony.
2. The Last-Second Merger. Has been in the same lane for 3km knowing full well it ends ahead. Has calculated, correctly, that people will eventually let them in. Has made peace with being universally despised and found it worth the three minutes saved. Turns on the indicator at the exact moment the lane ends.
3. The Permanent Left Lane Occupier. Bought their licence. Knows one fact about driving: left lane. Is doing 70km/h on a three-lane highway in rush hour traffic and is at complete peace. Considers everything on their right a suggestion. Cannot be reasoned with.
4. The High-Beam Crusader. Uses high beams in all weather, all traffic, all conditions. Believes this is safety-conscious behaviour. Is personally responsible for approximately 30% of Malaysian night-driving migraines. Would describe themselves as "a careful driver."
5. The Phantom Signal User. Turns on their indicator. Looks. Proceeds into your lane without completing the signal-intended manoeuvre. Later turns on the indicator for no visible navigational reason. The indicator is decorative. It is not connected to any actual plan.
6. The Traffic Warden Vigilante. Spots a fellow driver committing an infraction. Decides that it is their personal civic duty to block, overtake, and brake-check the offender. Has created several new accidents in the process of protesting existing road violations. Has strong feelings about justice.
7. The Parking Lot Speed Demon. Drives at walking pace on the highway. Discovers a carpark. Instantly finds 80km/h to have been available this entire time. The carpark is, for reasons unknown, where the real speed lives.
The Malaysian road is a deeply human place. All our patience, all our selfishness, all our creativity, and all our wilful ignorance of rules operate simultaneously in a 3-lane environment with a 110km/h speed limit. We are all these drivers at different times and in different moods. Safe travels out there.
Ronny M (ronny76netstuff@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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