“Change your clothes.” That was the message that changed her life. What began as a relationship filled with affection slowly turned into a rulebook of restrictions such as long sleeves, long pants, no skin, no freedom. Even at work, where fashion was part of her job, she was told to hide herself in the name of “love.”
At first, it sounded very sweet because she thinks that he's very caring and loves her a lot so he would care for her. He said he cared about her that he didn’t want other men to “look” at her when any of the males passed by her outside, that she was his. So, she listened. Out of love, she changed, she loved him, wearing long sleeves and of course the long pants in such hot weather in Malaysia. Honestly, who's wearing long pants and long sleeves in Malaysia everyday if you are not working or studying in places which are full with aircond everywhere? She stopped wearing short sleeves. Then jeans. Then skirts. He started telling her what to wear like long pants, loose shirts, even Malay-style tops that covered her from neck to wrist. After their breakup, she shared screenshots of their text messages on Facebook, revealing how he had once told her to photograph all her clothes and pants so that he could decide what she was allowed to wear and what she wasn’t. Even dresses with safety shorts underneath were not allowed.
Her boyfriend, now her ex even questioned her angrily when she once mentioned wearing a dress, as if the idea itself was outrageous.
She worked at a clothing shop that sold shirts and pants. Her job required her to help customers design, style, and match outfits. To do that well, she first needed to dress herself confidently to show her sense of fashion so that customers would trust her taste and style. However, because of him in the name of love, she couldn’t. He disapproved of anything that showed even a bit of skin, insisting she cover up completely. It began to affect her work. At one point, he even mocked her boss sarcastically, saying things like, “Oh, so that’s why your boss calls you the treasure of the store, huh?” She tried to explain that she was just doing her job, styling and advising customers to help sell clothes. But he accused her of dressing “too exposed” just to attract male customers
He said, “Why does your boss make you help the men instead of the women? It’s because of how you dress!” To your boss, everything came back to her clothes. When she told him that dressing up nicely actually helped her perform better even earning a few hundred ringgit more than others. He then turned her success into another argument. Later, after she changed her style to oversized shirts and baggy pants to please him, even her boss noticed the difference. Her boss once commented gently, “Why are you dressing so loosely now?” And instead of understanding, he lashed out again. “You’re not dressing to show your boss!” he snapped. What started as “concern” became complete control. Not just over what she wore, but how she worked, expressed herself, and even earned her living. Thank God they broke up.
Jovy Jing (ndreagoh@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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