A 23-year-old Malaysian man left his workplace in Johor Bahru for lunch on Aug 20. He never returned.
His family searched desperately for him. More than 24 hours later, the search ended with the news no parent ever wants to hear: he had been found dead at an apartment in Taman Mount Austin. Police said he appeared to have fallen from a height, while investigations were still ongoing (Source: Mothership).
His mother later spoke publicly about her son and questioned why, at only 23, he would make such a decision. Reports also said he had recently gone through a breakup.
After reading the news, and honestly, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Not just about how he died. But about how young he was. 23. At 23, many of us are still trying to figure out how to live.
We are learning how to work, how to pay our bills, how to save money, how to deal with bosses, how to maintain friendships, and how to love someone without losing ourselves. But nobody really teaches us how to do all these things. There is no internship for becoming an adult.
No handbook for parents says, “This is how you prepare your child for the world they are going to live in.” The world our parents grew up in is not the same as the one we live in today. The way they understood love, money, marriage, and responsibility can be very different from how young people understand them today.
And maybe that is why I keep thinking about this case.
I came across a post that shared some conversations allegedly involving the young man and ChatGPT. The conversations discussed relationship expectations, such as buying gifts every month, constantly paying attention to a partner's emotions, and differing expectations around privacy and phones. What was ridiculous was that his partner could check his phone, but he was not allowed to check his partner's conversations (Source: Rachael Liew's Facebook Post).
But one part really stayed in my head. He was honest with his partner that, as a 23-year-old, he could not afford to pay for a house rental for both of them. The response that he received was, “You have no ability”.
A 23-year-old has only just started working. He may still be paying off his car. He has EPF, rent, food, transport, and countless other expenses. Maybe he doesn't have much money yet, and he is still trying to build his career. Does that automatically mean he doesn't love his partner?
And this is where the phrase “raise a boy poor, raise a girl rich” makes me think. We often tell boys that they need to grow up strong, independent, and responsible. They should be providers. They should be able to take care of their families.
And we tell girls that they deserve to be treated well, that they should never settle for less. There is nothing wrong with either message, but somewhere along the way, maybe we forgot to teach both sides something equally important: Empathy.
A boy should know that being responsible does not mean carrying every burden alone, and his salary should not determine his value. A girl should know that she deserves to be loved and treated well, but being loved does not mean another person owes her a certain lifestyle. Gifts and money can be part of a relationship, but they should never become the only measurement of love.
At 23, your first serious relationship can feel like your whole world. When someone you love leaves, it can feel impossible to imagine life without them. When you are struggling financially, you can feel like you are falling behind everyone else. When someone tells you that you are not capable enough, you may start believing it yourself.
But life is bigger than one relationship.
The relationship can end. You can lose money and earn it again. You can leave a job and find another one. You can be rejected and eventually meet someone who appreciates you differently. You can fail at 23 and still have decades ahead of you to figure things out.
The saddest part of this story is that he will never get to find out what could have happened next. There were still so many people he had not met, places he had not been and experiences he had not lived. He had so much more time that he could have used to become the person he wanted to be.
And his parents are the ones who have to live with that loss.
I cannot imagine what it feels like to lose a child and spend the rest of your life wondering whether you could have done something differently. There may be questions that never get answered, and no parent should have to carry that kind of pain.
Maybe this is why this story made me think less about who was right or wrong in the relationship and more about what we are teaching the next generation.
Parents teach children how to get good grades, find a good job, and make money. But do they teach them what to do when they feel like a failure? Do they teach them how to deal with rejection? How to leave an unhealthy relationship? How to ask for help when they are overwhelmed?
Most importantly, they need to know that one painful chapter is never the whole story.
Love someone, but don't lose yourself in the process. Be there for someone, but don't forget your own boundaries. And if a relationship makes you feel like you are no longer enough, remember that leaving is an option.
Felicia Yoan (feliciayoan11@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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