5 Downsides Of Being A Bridesmaid You Should Know Before Agreeing To Be One

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This story is sent in by a Malaysian woman who wants to share the financial realities of being a bridesmaid.

Honestly, it’s flattering when someone asks you to be their bridesmaid. So when I was asked to be one, I said yes!

But after being through at least 3 drama-filled weddings, I realised being a bridesmaid isn’t all that great.

Sometimes, you’ll meet a bridezilla who scolds her florist for providing the wrong flowers. Other times, you’ll shop for something stupid like squirt guns.

Here are 5 downsides of being a bridesmaid that the movies don’t tell you:

1. You’ll spend over RM1400

Sorry to burst your bubble, but most brides don’t care about how much you spend on their wedding. They have other expenses to worry about, like the wedding halls, the honeymoon and designer dresses.

When I became a bridesmaid for the first time, no one told me that I would spend a lot of money. When I say a lot, I mean by the thousands. Just to give you a glimpse of my bridesmaid expenses, here’s a simple budget breakdown:

Budget breakdown
Bridesmaid’s dress – RM200
Evening dress – RM150
Dress alterations – RM80
Bachelorette party – RM200
Bridal shower – RM100
Accessories – RM40
Shoes – RM50
Hair and makeup – RM400 (both wedding day and dinner)
Wedding angpao – RM200

You’re looking at RM1,420! And that’s just a ballpark figure. We haven’t touched the other factors that affect your budget.

Imagine if the bride is throwing her bachelorette party in Bangkok, you’ll have to think about flights and accommodation. That means it’s roti telur for the entire month.

Being a bridesmaid is going to cost you, and my purse learned it the hard way.

2. The bachelorette party

For many women, celebrating their last hurrah as a single woman is a must.

Different brides have different ways of celebrating their farewell from singlehood. I know a bride who requested a relaxing spa weekend. I also know another bride who wanted a three-hour pole dancing class (I called in sick).

My second bride was a party animal. Check out her Insta Stories, and you’ll see her drinking mindlessly while dancing to Dua Lipa.

I’m the complete opposite. I’ll be in the playground, slowly walking behind an uncle with a Standard Chartered marathon t-shirt. I don’t have the energy to keep up with anything.

So you can imagine my face when she said she wanted to go to Spark Club KL for her bachelorette party.

Regardless of how much I hate rubbing shoulders with sweaty college kids and shouting at my friends when the music is too loud, the bridesmaid has to be there for the bride.

No one cares if the bridesmaid prefers knitting sweaters than pole dancing. The bachelorette party is about celebrating the bride. And it’s the bridesmaid’s job to make sure that she has a hella good time.

So suck it up, show up and prepare to have your heels ruined by someone else’s vomit.

3. Drama with other bridesmaids

Whether it’s a classmate, college friend or colleague, you’ll get a salad bowl of personalities who have stood by the bride through her best and her worst dates.

Most importantly, every bridesmaid has their own quirks and personality. So whatever drama they bring to the table, you have to grin and bear with it for the next seven months.

When I was a bridesmaid for my cousin’s wedding, she chose her schoolmate Wei Li as her maid of honour. At first, Wei Li seemed likeable and friendly, so everyone thought that we could get along.

A few months later, we realised she was nowhere close to being likeable. She pointed out that “It’s not the maid of honour’s job to plan menial things like party planning and dress shopping. My only task is to help the bride.”

She disappeared often and didn’t help much. Sooner or later, we started excluding Wei Li from everything. She didn’t respond to our texts or attend any meetings, so we figured that she doesn’t want to be a part of the planning team.

Eventually, everyone was stressed out. Dealing with wedding preparations is not easy. We need all the help we can get.

While all this is happening, the bride had no clue about what was going on. When I asked the bride if Wei Li was busy helping her out, she said, “I thought she was helping you girls with the preparation?

You can imagine how tense and awkward our bachelorette party was. And the drama lasted until the wedding day.

4. Crazy bride requests

Sometimes, brides can come up with the most ridiculous and difficult requests. As a bridesmaid, you want her wedding day to be as perfect as she imagined, so when that happens, you have to deliver.

I have dealt with requests like customised champagne bottles or phallic-shaped cupcakes for hen’s night. But this story takes the cake.

For my third bride, she had specific bridesmaid shoes in mind. So she messaged this to all of her bridesmaids:

Girls, I want everyone to wear maroon suede heels with a bit of floral. Preferably, without straps. The heels must be at least three inches high. And no wedges, please.

Where the hell are we supposed to find it?

The bridesmaids and I split up and shopped in every mall in KL. All afternoon, our group chat pinged with shoe options. “These high heels, can ah?” or “I found it, but they don’t have size eight already.”

Two months later, we found the perfect heels that our bride was happy about, and we had it shipped all the way from Shenzhen. All that work for a simple pair of shoes.

5. Be prepared for tears

Rants aside, being a bridesmaid has its upsides. You get to be a part of someone’s dream wedding. Also, you can check out many handsome groomsmen at the rehearsal dinner.

Nevertheless, I wish someone would be honest about the reality of it all – from the amount of money we’re going to spend to the drama we’re about to face.

Also, there’s another thing no one tells us about being a bridesmaid. There will be tears.

Seeing someone close walking down the aisle always pulls at my heartstrings. These are the same women who had their hearts broken. Yet, they pulled through and finally found the right man who is worth all the heartache.

Most bridesmaids are hopeless romantics. So let’s not get to the teary part about wedding vows and first dance. When all is said and done, the ugly dresses and ridiculous shopping demands will become a distant memory.

Ask me again what they don’t tell us about being a bridesmaid, and I will say, “It’ll all be worth it.”