Dear Dad,
It’s been ages since I last saw you. Almost 17 years. I remember the day like it was yesterday.
It was 7 months after our wedding. We had spent the weekend at your place, doing random things, going about just like any other weekend. You went out to buy breakfast, you knew your daughter couldn’t be trusted to cook.
“Do you want nasi kerabu or nasi dagang?” I remember you asking me. I don’t remember what I chose. But it was one of the best breakfast’s ever because I could spend time with you. Alone. Not with the other kids. Then we went to the back of the house and you peered into the neighbour’s garden and said, “They have lovely flowers,” to which I thought was odd but I okay-ed it anyway.
Do you know I still remember that last hug and kiss? The one that made me so hard to leave. But I had to. The last conversation we had was about the camera you wanted to get? You should see the cameras they have now. You should see the phones we have now. Sometimes I chuckle when I think about how you used to struggle with technology, I wonder how you would react to the technology we have in this day and age?
Can you believe we have 3 kids? 3 crazy, wonderful kids, who sometimes drive me loony with their antics. The youngest has a wide forehead just like you, and a big grin, just like you. Kids who will only know their grandfather through photos and stories. The grandfather who will forever be 54. I bet you they would be spoiled rotten if you were around. Just like how mum spoils them. They don’t have any more grandfathers you know? My kids are grandfatherless and sometimes I feel quite sad at the turn of events. But it is what it is.
I’m not doing much with myself nowadays. I wonder how you would react to that. I know you probably had huge hopes and dreams for me, being the eldest but I hope I have done enough to make you at least slightly proud of me. The other siblings are doing great, I’ve set some low expectations that they have surpassed so don’t worry about that =)
I miss you, dad. I miss hearing you sing. Well, more like hum, but when you sing it’s quite funny because you always forget the words. I can’t bear to hear Broery or Neil Diamond on the radio anymore. I wish I hadn’t asked you to stop playing their music during the long, long rides back to the east coast.
My heart breaks whenever I think of our last moments together. A large void in my heart that shall never be replaced. Although you were the typical hardworking dad, who tried his best and didn’t talk much, I know deep down you loved us.
The brain is a funny thing. I forget so many things nowadays but I remember our trip to Sogo when I was 11, you asked me to choose something to get as a reward for getting good grades at school, and I chose a teddy which I still have to this day.
I remember you giving me the keys to the car a few months before you left and you said, “This will be the last thing I give you.”
I remember a few weeks before you left I had asked you what was wrong and you said, “I have a stomachache.”
I remember getting the call from little sis and her telling me to go to the hospital because “he looks different.”
I remember not getting to say goodbye.
I remember having to make the calls to friends and family at 6 a.m, telling them the bad news.
I remember the shock in everyone’s voices, a few even told me not to kid around.
I remember the outpour of people who came to pay their last respects.
But most of all, I remembered not to cry because as the eldest, I could not cry. I had to stay strong.
Except behind closed doors.
I miss you, dad. Forever and always.
SuriyaNoor is a content writer under Headliner by Newswav, a programme where content creators get to tell their unique stories through articles and at the same time monetize their content within the Newswav app.
Register at headliner.newswav.com to become one of our content writers now!
Newswav is solely an aggregation platform and hosts the content. The views expressed and content above including media (pictures, videos, etc) were provided by the author. If you have any questions about the content, copyright or other issues of the work, please contact Newswav.
