Who checks on you when you most need it? Do you have someone you can go to for anything, anything at all?
Do you struggle every day? Does your mental health need a quick check-up? Do you wake up in the morning asking yourself, “How do I feel today?”
Mental health has been such a real issue these past couple of years. People (the general public) are finally understanding that it is not something that is to be taken lightly nor is it something that people try to pretend to have. Although people who do have mental health issues usually mask it so that they are not labelled as “crazy.”
I have had my issues off and on throughout the years. The most recent being after giving birth to my youngest. I never knew feelings of being alone and ALONE could be resurfaced like that. Giving birth during MCO 1.0 was hard. Plans for a confinement lady, having mum around, everything went out the window. Plus the difficulty in obtaining the surat merentas negeri only made it heaps harder. When my son was born, I felt such a detachment that even I cannot describe. You know, that warm, fuzzy feeling that new mothers feel, or how is depicted in books and movies? I didn’t feel that. Any of that.
Only for it to be coupled with exhaustion when we left the hospital. The daily visits by the nurses, the checkups, the “Wow your blood pressure is high”, the heparin injections, the prolonged jaundice, the two-hourly feeding… it just got too much. I remember at times I would just look at my child and think, “Why are you here?” “Why do I need to take care of you?” and when I was upstairs with him alone, I would just leave him at my side while I read, or played with my phone. In reality, my husband was running around like a headless chicken, keeping the house together, making sure I don’t stress myself out even more. This went on throughout my confinement and I texted my ob-gyn off and on when things got too much and she would give me words of encouragement instead of the usual, “Things will get better, be patient” which seemed to be the phrase of the day.
Be patient. It’s not easy to be patient when you are of sound health and hard when your mental health is declining. You lose your marbles, as they say. You cannot think straight. Perhaps you HAVE been patient. Patience was what brought you to the brink. You need someone who does not judge, doesn’t tell you to be patient but instead listens to your grievances, your sadness, and acknowledges your feelings.
When my mental health is not 100%, even a colourful rainbow looks grey and this is not even a joke. What I did the first time was shut myself out from the world, which is the one thing I should not have done. I slept all day, stayed up all night, and the cycle continued. I kept up appearances so no one knew I was struggling. I fell into deeper despair. I remember the only thing that got me through those times was the sitcom, “I Love Lucy” because that was on every single night on the cable tv that I subscribed to. In the end, a friend pulled me out of my dark place. Helped me through my days and until today will ask me if I am ok. I am forever and eternally grateful to her. My crazy LFC fan friend. They also taught me how to cook steamed tofu with stuff on top which I still love to cook to this day.
So that’s what I do too. I make sure people around me know that I can be trusted enough to listen to them without them fearing I will judge them. Issues from fighting with spouses to wanting a divorce to work to kids to everything in between. I offer them my shoulder to cry on, a place to stay should they ever need it. You never know what other people go through, and you must understand that if they are comfortable enough to share, it means that they trust you enough to share. Some are just lonely. Some are tired. Some just want to vent. Some just need your opinion. Some just want to talk to another adult because they’re at home with underaged kids 24/7.
Even the strongest of people need a listening ear from time to time. Never mock, never question, never judge.
Just listen. Check on your most vulnerable friends. I keep all the numbers I need on my phone so that if I feel that my friend needs more than the help I can offer, I may be able to offer them numbers for the professionals.
And make sure you have someone willing to listen to you too. Because you are worth it.
SuriyaNoor is a content writer under Headliner by Newswav, a programme where content creators get to tell their unique stories through articles and at the same time monetize their content within the Newswav app.
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