It’s slightly hard to believe that it has only been two months and March is suddenly coming in like a whirlwind, later slowing down in the midweek and then with eyes closed, it’s just one more week left until it will set in that it will be April. For me, it feels like it has slowed down nicely in the beginning but by end of the month as I am overcome with deadlines, got sick from overworking in the mid-week to the point I felt guilty for resting, it becomes quite unsettling yet also relieving just how fast March is coming to an end.
At first, I was going to write about how slow March feels like after talking to some friends about what we thought about March so far until I realized that it is not so much that it is slow but there is a need for it to slow down because it just went by too fast. Like a marching band that just continues marching forward, having to remember the steps, the routine and the route that had been practised to perfection for days to weeks.
It feels unfair for some and most, it is perplexing yet just leaving it be without questioning it because there’s only so much in a day to spend agonizing over how confusing and frustrating it gets; which is quite an irony because when good things happen in abundance, we don’t tend to question it as much unless we are overcome with self-doubt and feel undeserving of ‘good things to happen to us. But when it comes to misfortune and predicaments, it’s something that puts a lot of weight on the mind and body.
Last month, I mentioned in some pieces I wrote about how I learned and still learning the importance of establishing boundaries, how I am trying to actively learn to be more aware of the signs when I need rest when I needed time to myself to reflect and be more introspective about how I treat myself and others. It does not make much difference except that it’s not a bad thing to admit that it is hard. Being self-aware is hard.
That was how March feels like – A time to agonize over hardships, difficulties that feel unfair and having to understand the emotions connected to so many events happening all at once. Even I have to admit right now I thought I was confident in multi-tasking but it took me a while to realize I was either too ambitious or too desperate, I had little consideration for my body to take time to rest. You could even say that one of the purposes for me to write these pieces is mostly for therapeutic reasons as I am not only writing this for work but also as a way to relax, so only at a time like this I feel I have the permission to rest and to do what I want at the same time.
It’s another reminder of not just establishing but also enforcing boundaries.
Rather than spending the time to tell me and beating myself over why am I spending time to even feel bad about myself, it did make me feel worse because it felt like I was avoiding my emotions and not understanding them enough to face the fact that I do feel overwhelmed and that was why I feel the way I do with March – So I had to catch myself and ask what did I want out of this.
The answer came to me naturally: I wanted more time to rest. I wanted to feel okay knowing I need rest.
I am not any less of a person for wanting rest from overworking, chasing deadlines, functioning daily, having to endure difficulties at home and social life and most of all, for just trying.
When it comes to materialistic and tangible things, we often get asked to choose or to weigh on options between need and want, but to me, the two can go just as equally together when it comes to intangible things as simple as just taking a few hours to sleep. Wanting more sleep just so we can get up and be more refreshed is just the same as needing more sleep to have more energy to feel motivated.
It’s also the same as wanting and needing to take some time off to understand our needs and wants, which also includes accepting, understanding and facing the emotions that come with them. Too many times we have been told to suppress our feelings and it gets overwhelming, at worse, too overwhelming.
So in short, when feeling the need to slow down, it’s okay to feel bad about it because that is one emotion to be identified with and the reasoning that comes with it: guilt. It’s part of the process, so to speak.
But at the same time, it’s part of being human and feeling human, getting in touch with a strong desire. If that strong desire is to get rest and the body is already feeling the fatigue, then you are helping yourself plenty by doing what is best for yourself.
It’s not an easy process but a good learning process nonetheless.
Jasmine RCK is a content writer under Headliner by Newswav, a programme where content creators get to tell their unique stories through articles and at the same time monetize their content within the Newswav app.
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