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Absurdities Uniquely Malaysian Not Commonly Found Elsewhere But Are Normally Practised Here
By Mihar Dias
(C)
Copyright August 2022
If you have lived in Malaysia long enough you'll notice absurd practices that are uniquely Malaysians. They are hardly found anywhere else in the world. We list some below for a good laugh.
You may add more to it if you come across any not listed here and we'll laugh together over a cup of coffee.
1. Policeman Kisses Hand of a Felon. This is the latest in a long list of absurd practices found locally where a police sergeant kisses the hand of a convicted politician. The photos are circulating on social media. I have never seen such a practice anywhere else in the world.
In Britain when Prime Minister Boris Johnson was summoned by the police to the station to record a statement not a single policeman in the room stood up.
2. Orange Outfits for the Masses Suits for VIP Offenders. MACC is doing a great job putting fear into the hearts of Malaysians who might be thinking of being corrupt. In recent months we saw groups of individuals lined up in their orange outfits to be charged in court. But the question on everyone's mind is why are VIP offenders not made to wear similar outfits? Have you ever seen a senior politician charged for corruption handcuffed and dressed in orange uniforms?
3. An Ambulance Gives Way to VIP's Motorcade. In Malaysia, the ambulance has to stop and wait for a VIP motorcade to pass before continuing its journey to a hospital with a patient inside the vehicle fighting for his life. It's a daily occurrence around the country.
4. Special Status Before God for VIPs This is a norm at any mosque where you would have to move out of the way for the lowest level of VIPs even if you had been there one hour earlier to get the best spot. If the King was visiting the mosque it would be fair but for a lower-level functionary, it's just absolutely a nuisance for the common man assembled before God for Friday prayers. It's a Malay-Moslem practice in modern democratic Malaysia where not everyone is treated equally, even in a house of worship.
5. A Convict Gets Invited to the Palace Have you ever heard of a convict attending a dinner at Buckingham Palace at the invitation of the Queen? In Malaysia, one does get invited!
6. A 60-year-old is caught having Sexual Intercourse with a goat. Recently the court sent one to prison for 6 years for the offence. If you followed news reports there are similar cases in the country.
7. Members of Parliament may choose to be absent from attending the assembly. Some stayed away for a long time but the rakyat whom they represent will never know the reason why!
8. Not enough cooking oil. We are the second largest producer of palm oil in the world after Indonesia, yet we do not have enough cooking oil in the country.
9. The most undiplomatic, uncouth, rude and fouled mouth individual could be nominated as an ambassador. The country was recently embroiled in debates and petitions over the nomination of a politician who is known to be the most ungentlemanly in words and deeds to be an ambassador. But wisdom prevailed and he was not amongst those sworn in by the King as an ambassador.
10. A former AG had a wild fantasy about meeting a wealthy Arab donor whom he claimed had given billions to the nation's leader and he chose to accept it as the Gospel truth.
11. A politician calls upon the people to rear their own chickens when they could not afford to buy one from the market. It takes 42 days to grow a chicken. You figure out what to do while watching your chicken grow up.
12. Salary Increases for Elected Officials During Difficult Times. When the people are suffering because of inflation and scarcity of goods elected officials gave themselves a salary increase. Nobody wanted to take a pay cut!
That's a dozen enough for you to dwell on for now. We'll follow up with more later.
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