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Exploring the meaning of dating in today’s modern world
There was a time when asking someone out on a date felt straightforward. Someone would call, ask if you would like to have dinner, agree on a time and place, and both people knew exactly why they were meeting.
The first date was not about deciding whether you were “official”, in fact it was simply the first step towards getting to know someone. Today, that line has become increasingly blurred.
We have watched dating culture evolve from intentional courtship to an era dominated by dating apps, situationships and the infamous phrase: “Let’s just hang out.”
After years of dating, I believe it is safe to say that the biggest question is not whether someone likes you. Instead it is whether you are even on a date in the first place.
When asking someone out meant something
If you ask me, I would say dating itself has not necessarily become worse. It’s simply become faster. With that being said, while there is nothing wrong with keeping things casual, the lack of intention often leaves both people wondering whether they are building towards something meaningful or simply passing the time.
Dating apps have undoubtedly made meeting people easier but they have also changed how people approach relationships. With hundreds of potential matches only a swipe away, it is easy to believe someone better is always waiting. As a result, many move on after one awkward conversation or one imperfect date rather than allowing a connection to develop naturally.
Before dating apps became the norm, meeting someone often required effort. You would be introduced through friends, meet at work or strike up a conversation in person. Asking someone out felt deliberate because opportunities did not come around every day.
The paradox is that having more options has not necessarily made finding a meaningful connection easier. Instead, it has made many people less patient. People are quicker to move on after one awkward conversation or one imperfect date because another match is already waiting.
Even before meeting, much of the mystery has disappeared. By the first date, you have likely exchanged dozens of messages, watched each other’s Instagram Stories and pieced together snapshots of each other’s lives online. Sometimes it feels as though you have already spent weeks getting to know someone before you have even sat across from them.
Ironically, having more choices has not made dating easier. It has simply made people less patient.
The venue and intention matters more than the price tag
Contrary to popular belief, most women are not looking for someone to spend hundreds of ringgit on a first date. They are looking for someone who is intentional.
Most women are not paying attention to how much someone spends. They are noticing how much thought went into planning the date. First impressions matter, which is why the venue matters. And no, mamaks do not count.
A quiet cafe, a cosy restaurant, an art gallery or even a scenic park creates the kind of environment where conversation flows naturally. These are places where two people can comfortably spend hours talking without feeling rushed or distracted. Now, compare that with being invited to a crowded mamak for a first date.
Ultimately, the one thing to keep in mind here is that not everyone enjoys getting dressed up, taking time to prepare and looking forward to meeting someone, only to realise very little thought went into planning the occasion.
Modern dating is also often filled with talking stages that never become situationships with no clear direction. After a while, that uncertainty becomes exhausting.
There is something refreshing about someone confidently saying, “I would like to take you out.”
No guessing. No mixed signals. Just clarity.
Something else that I have noticed over my years of dating is that many women are also perfectly comfortable splitting the bill when necessary. Going Dutch has become increasingly common, especially during the early stages of dating.
However, one principle still makes sense regardless of gender. The person who extends the invitation should be prepared to pay. It is less about tradition than basic courtesy.
After all, if you invite someone out, it is only natural to host. Once a relationship develops, those expectations become far more flexible. One person pays for dinner, the other buys dessert. Someone gets the concert tickets while the other books the hotel.
Healthy relationships are built on generosity, not keeping score.
Why old soul dating is making a comeback
Perhaps that is why more people have begun embracing what is now known as “old soul dating”.
Despite the name, it is not about returning to outdated gender roles or recreating relationships from decades past. Instead, it is about bringing intention back into dating.
Old soul dating means asking someone out clearly instead of disguising it as “Let’s chill.”
It means planning a date in advance rather than sending a last-minute text asking if someone is free. It values consistency over mixed signals, meaningful conversations over endless texting and genuine effort over performative romance.
And sometimes it is the small gestures that leave the biggest impression. Arriving on time, putting your phone away during dinner, walking your date back to her car or even something as small as remembering something they mentioned weeks ago. Those things cost nothing, yet they often matter far more than an expensive meal. In other words, it is about bringing intention back into dating.
None of those things cost money, yet they often matter far more than an extravagant dinner.
Make dating meaningful again
Perhaps modern dating does not need another app or another trend instead it simply needs people to be more intentional. Because at the end of the day, the dates we remember are rarely the ones with the biggest bill or the most extravagant plans. They are the ones where someone made us feel seen, heard and worth the effort.
And maybe that is what dating has always been about. Just two people intentionally making time for each other to see whether something meaningful might grow. And maybe that’s the kind of old-fashioned thinking modern dating could use a little more of.
So, instead of becoming too focused on defining every interaction. Is this a date? Are we exclusive? What does that text mean?
And rather than asking whether we are technically dating, maybe we should ask a simpler question. Did we enjoy spending time together?
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