I turn 34 in the Year of the Rabbit. My relatives have given up asking me when I am getting married. We talk about inconsequential topics such as politics, the food that was just served, and the new highway that is being built. I was also deemed too old to get an Ang Pao – too old to leech off my cousins that got married much earlier than me.
Reunions are a chore, a lacklustre routine that we don't look forward to. Considering fireworks are banned by the government, Chinese New Year has now become awkward conversations around the dining table and photo ops in Shopping Malls. The only thing festive about the season is the unfettered capitalism and the joy of spending the money we don't have.
Life is hard, and festivals don't make life any easier. But today, despite my cynicism towards the season, I brought my parents to go shopping so we could take pictures with the mall deco.
At the central court, they had some activities going on, and in one particular booth, they gave shoppers free red calligraphy papers and a medium-sized brush. The young lady at the booth was wearing a purple and red Cheongsam that was flattering her figure. She has a nice smile, that's what I thought. She beckoned us to her booth, “Miss, can write for free”.
There were some samples of auspicious Chinese phrases in Mandarin for us to copy from, I took a quick glance:
- 新年快乐 - Happy New Year
- 心想事成 – May all your wishes come true
- 万事如意 – May the odds be in your favour and the things that you do be according to the wishes of your heart
- 笑口常开 – May you be always smiling
- 五福临门 – May the five blessings come to you (longevity, wealth, health, virtue, and a natural death)
- 身体健康 – May you have good health
- 出入平安 – May you be safe wherever you go
- 一帆风顺 – May all your attempts go smoothly
- 阖家幸福 – May your whole family be filled with happiness and blessings
- 生意兴隆 – May your business flourish
My mom took the brush and started writing. She always had a quiet demeanour, filled with poise and grace. She wrote "喜乐安康" which means May you be blessed with joy, peace and good health.
I asked my parents to hold the Chinese calligraphy up so I can take a picture of them together. It was then I suddenly realised how age caught up with my parents, or in mandarin "突然发现父母老了。".
I spent my last 15 years trying to ‘build my career’ and ‘building networks’, spending 80% of my time away from home. Today, I realised my father’s hair is fully white and in a ponytail, my mom is strong but has shrunk in stature, and there are now wrinkles around her mouth that I did not notice before.
Where have the years gone? What did I achieve in my ‘career’ despite being so absent from home?
Perhaps reunions should be made mandatory more than once a year. Perhaps the government should regulate family get-togethers. Perhaps, just perhaps with a stronger family unit, can we build a more resilient society.
Perhaps.
If we said ‘I love you’ more to our parents and appreciate them more with not gifts but time and companionship, can we be more grounded? To reaffirm the love and respect that bind us together as a family unit.
My mom did not wish for great wealth or great fame, all she wanted was 喜乐安康 - joy, peace and good health. And maybe more time with her daughter and husband.
Come to think of it, isn't this what all our parents want? Not our money but companionship. Not our gifts but our time. The pandemic has taught me to not take people for granted, as losing them is an imminent possibility.
Treasure and spend time with your family this Chinese New Year, no matter how inconvenient it can get.
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