While thinking about the explosive diarrhea parasite wreaking havoc on bowels across the U.S. right now, spare a thought for the vegetarians.
We plant-based people are living in dietary hell to avoid the possibility of contracting cyclosporiasis —a nasty foodborne illness linked to contaminated raw produce like lettuce that has spread to at least 39 states.
While the illness is not life-threatening, it can cause a variety of symptoms, such as explosive bowel movements, fatigue, nausea and vomiting.
Public health guidance is along the lines of: proceed with caution, but do not panic. Unfortunately, the words “do not panic” mean nothing to me because I also have no chill when it comes to my health. I am disposed to a type of health paranoia where I tend to spiral about minor ailments. This has only been exacerbated by the unknown source of the cyclosporiasis outbreak. So yes, I am absolutely panicking.
To mitigate any possibility of contracting it, I have sworn off eating leafy greens, raw vegetables and fruit — the entire foundation of my normal diet — and I’m relying on dairy and carbs to keep me going. I’ve had a stomach ache for the past three days because of my cheese-forward diet that has thrown me out of whack. My body is screaming at me for a salad. Or even a singular raspberry could work for me right now.
The knowledge of the parasite has caused an interesting dynamic in my social life, too. This past week, I’ve watched my most laid-back friends eat bagged salad and fresh fruit so calmly with a sort of “Come and get me, parasite” mentality, while I’ve shuddered at the thought of even taking a bite.
Sane people (I am not one of them) should know that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention hasn’t advised forgoing fresh produce altogether, instead telling Americans to wash hands thoroughly before handling any produce, rinse fruits and vegetables under running water while scrubbing, peel items that have skins and avoid bagged salads. Another reasonable alternative is cooking food to an internal temperature of 158 degrees Fahrenheit, which should kill cyclospora, according to health officials in Michigan, where more than 3,300 cases have been reported.
To prove the plight of us paranoid vegetarians (we are a niche but widespread demographic), I have recorded everything I’ve eaten as I embark on this mission of avoidance.
Saturday: Plain rice. Tofu. A cream cheese bagel – no scallion, just in case it’s contaminated. I throw out a bag of pre-mixed salad that’s been sitting in my fridge since last week.
Sunday: I am brave when I go out for dinner and eat pasta with mushrooms in it. Yes, I know that mushrooms haven’t been linked to the parasite, but this is still a big step for me. Everyone say, “Well done, Ellie.”
Monday: I start to lose my appetite for unexplained reasons — maybe because I can’t continue with this diet anymore. I miss fruit. I miss broccoli. I miss it all.
I eat a cheese stick and a pot of apple-flavored baby food (very brave again). My thought process is that the apples would have been cooked down before being blended. And surely baby food is made extra carefully because they’re, well, babies, right?
Tuesday: Another day of grazing on different snacks that I know have been cooked and don’t contain any fruit or veg. I have dinner at a Greek restaurant and eat exclusively cheese and bread. A plate of my favorite cheese (a sizzling slab of halloumi) arrives on a bed of salad. I do not touch it.
Wednesday: Apple-flavored baby food again (I’m starting to get a taste for it). String cheese. Chips. One slice of toast.
I’m adapting to my new misguided diet. And so far, no parasite.
Oh wait… my stomach feels a bit weird. Be right back.
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