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By Mihar Dias (C) Copyright October 2023
In the world of bureaucratic blunders and governmental goof-ups, it seems like Malaysia's rice shortage is the latest belly laugh that has everyone in stitches.
Ameer Ali Mydin, the head of a hypermarket chain, has taken center stage to roast the government's handling of the rice crisis. It's a comedy of errors that could put any stand-up comedian to shame.
Ameer, in his recent appearance on FMT's talk show "Stakeholders, with Shireen," couldn't contain his amusement at the government's proposed solution to open up a mere 50,000 hectares of land in Sabah and Sarawak to address the rice shortage.
He points out that countries like Thailand, Indonesia, and Vietnam have rice fields that stretch to the horizon, while Malaysia seems to be working with the floor space of a studio apartment. Clearly, our rice production is the punchline in this agricultural comedy.
But the hilarity doesn't stop there. Ameer suggests that we import lower quality rice for local consumption while keeping the premium stuff for export. It's like telling your neighbors you're going to serve them nasi goreng while you dine on beef ribs rendang and satay kijang. Clearly, we're in for some top-tier comedic material here.
And then there's the whole issue of Bernas, the national rice manager, with its tight grip on rice imports.
Ameer's laughter turns into a full-blown chuckle when he explains how Bernas adds a six-ringgit comedy tax to a 10kg bag of rice. Who's footing the bill for this hilarious performance?
You guessed it, the consumers! Maybe Bernas should consider a career in stand-up, because they've certainly mastered the art of making us all laugh through our wallets.
But wait, there's more. Ameer, the comedy virtuoso, declares that there's no real chicken or egg shortage. We've always been exporters of chicken, he says. The only thing cracking here is the egg cartel's operation.
It's like a poultry heist movie, except the government plays the role of the bumbling detective who can't quite catch the culprits. But fear not, the government's solution is to import more chicken and eggs, just to keep the yolks from running.
As the comedy show continues, Ameer takes a shot at the government's fixation on price controls for eggs, failing to grasp the real reason for the shortage.
It's almost like the government is trying to win an award for "Eggscruciating Mismanagement."
Maybe it's time for a crash course in Economics 101 for our egg-cellent leaders. A must attend for relevant ministers. Mandatory for Minister in charge of food security.
And if that wasn't enough, Ameer warns of an impending sugar shortage if the government doesn't budge on the price ceiling. It's as if the government is playing a game of 'How Low Can You Go' with sugar prices.
Spoiler alert: the sugar industry can't limbo any lower, and it's about to leave the party.
Ameer's encore performance suggests that the government should drop subsidies on cooking oil packets, and save up to RM8 billion a year.
Apparently, billions are going up in smoke as cooking oil gets smuggled across the border. It's like a real-life 'Great Cooking Oil Heist,' and the government is losing to the culinary bandits.
In conclusion, Ameer's roast of the government's handling of food security concerns is the comedy we all needed in these trying times.
It's a show filled with laughable proposals, knee-slapping solutions, and the kind of humor that only bureaucracy can deliver.
So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the government's latest comedy special.
Who needs Netflix when you've got Malaysian politics?
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