Instagram started it off with humble brags (”So overwhelmed by all these opportunities!”), while LinkedIn hammered it home with the infinite opportunity to share your latest 3,000 character win, alongside photos and videos to little clapping emojis of approval: A personal tragedy becomes an invaluable life lesson about B2B sales. Hits = networking = success. It’s the bragging economy stupid.
If a promotion happens and no one online is around to thumb up and “Well deserved!” it, did it even happen?
Refreshingly, the newly minted Ballon d’Or winner, Harry Kane, thinks so. “It’s just the journey,” the England striker told the world as he stood on stage after winning one of the most prestigious player awards in football. “For any young boy or girl wanting to achieve their dreams, anything is possible with hard work when no one else is watching.”
Kane’s journey, by his own volition, wasn’t a straight forward blaze of glory. He was rejected by Arsenal as a child, was far from an immediate success at Tottenham, suffered disappointing loan spells, and still wasn’t a regular starter when he returned to the North London club. But he believed in himself, worked hard and quietly behind the scenes , and when his opportunity to prove himself arose in 2014, scored 21 Premier League goals in one season.
“I had to experience the downs. I experienced a lot of long moves. I had to fight my way to be the very best right now, and hope that can give you inspiration as well,” the England captain told those watching at home at the height of his slow, steady, and ultimately seismic, success.
It’s an approach that, although social media might have us forget it, is backed-up by science. “It’s what the research has told us for decades,” says sport psychologist Tia Prior. “Long-term success rarely comes from the moments people see. It comes from the unglamorous, repetitive work no one claps for: the extra finishing session, the recovery work, the hours spent fixing a weakness rather than showing off a strength.”
In psychology, there are two types of motivation: extrinsic and intrinsic. The former is driven by rewards and recognition like praise, which works in the short term, but is very fragile. “When the applause stops, or the results dip, so does the drive,” says Prior of the plateau.
Meanwhile, intrinsic motivation - doing something because you value your work and want to improve it for yourself is far more durable. “What happens when nobody’s watching is exactly when the real improvement happens,” she says adding this is similar to the need to achieve a “mastery focus” (where you judge yourself based off of your own progress) over an “ego focus” (judging yourself against others).
“Those who are mastery-focused tend to persist longer, cope better with setbacks and enjoy what they do more,” she says.
It’s hard not to covet immediate gratification. Particularly when the online world means those trying to build success are frequently encouraged to “build a personal brand” and “celebrate wins” for all to see - but busying away quietly in the background has far more long-term benefits. Be the tortoise, not the hare.
“I absolutely agree with the tortoise philosophy and mindset from a psychological perspective,” says Dr Candice O’Neill. “Meaningful growth and development often require time, patience and the capacity to tolerate period of uncertainty or apparent lack of progress.
“It's recognising that time allows us opportunities to reflect, learn, adapt and integrate our experiences, and that the process of becoming isn't necessarily linear. There may be periods of significant growth and activation, alongside periods where very little appears to be happening, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're not progressing,” she adds.
“And this is applicable to so many areas of life,” O’Neill reflects, “Whether that's our professional development, relationships, emotional wellbeing, recovery from adversity or personal aspirations. There is something to be said for consistency, self belief and the ability to sustain effort over time, whilst recognising that our individual journeys and circumstances will inevitably look different,” she reminds.
Notably, Kane referenced his team mates, physiotherapist, coaches and family in his acceptance speech, too. As such, Prior makes clear that while peacocking posts for online recognition aren’t important during periods of uncelebrated hard work, recognition from those around you is.
“Working hard when no one is watching doesn’t mean working alone,” she says. “A strong support network is one of the most consistent protective factors we see for resilience... Celebrating progress is healthy. The problem comes when the posting becomes the point, when the validation is the fuel rather than the work. The tortoises tend to go the distance because their motivation doesn’t depend on the validation from an audience.”
From sport to pop, slow and steady is having a moment. This summer, “Midnight Sun” singer Zara Larsson rejected her label’s suggestion to submit her for Best New Artist at the 2027 Grammy Awards: “I don’t even want that. That would downplay the 13 years of me being an artist,” she said of her career exploding “quite nicely” over the past year and a half.
Similarly, “Espresso” hitmaker Sabrina Carpenter released five studio albums before getting her first number one on the Billboard Hot 100. Meanwhile, Olivia Dean, who broke the record for the longest-running UK No 1 single in history with Sam Fender duet “Rein Me In” this summer, worked in music for over a decade before wide recognition.
“I think the journey to becoming is one of trials and tribulations, significant learning and growth moments, all of which require us to engage with our own will, motivation, perseverance and capacity to move ourselves forward,” says O’Neill. “There are those who are perhaps more psychologically primed to acknowledge and lean into this process, and those who find it more difficult to play the long game...
“Perhaps it's also about understanding that time isn't always something we're losing, but something we can also use to our advantage.”
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