I WRITE this week’s column with a heavy heart, mourning the loss of my beloved cousin in Scotland, whom I was unable to be present to bid farewell to in her final journey.
Rajeswary McGregor, 68, was my first cousin and the first of my generation to depart after suffering from pancreatic cancer on September 25 at the Perth Royal Infirmary, Perthshire, Scotland.
The news reached me while I was on a pilgrimage in Vietnam, and it has been a struggle to accept that I could not be with her on her last passage.
Fondly known as Rajes, she was a devoted nurse and passionate nursing tutor who challenged her students with dedication.
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She is lovingly remembered for her generosity, the joy she brought into many people’s lives, her infectious spirit, and the countless ways she touched people with her boundless love, kindness, care and warmth.
Her departure brought back our childhood memories, and I’ve always seen her as a big sister. Despite losing her first husband, Dr Thurairatnam, when she was 28 years old in a tragic road accident in Kajang, she remained strong, relocated to a new country, remarried and continued life with a positive outlook.
I was by her side through some of her most difficult times, and I am forever grateful to Rajes for showing me the importance of staying optimistic, brave, and hopeful no matter what life throws our way.
Even though she was going through a rough journey, she never revealed her pain or sorrow and even kept her illness a secret from her extended family.
She was steadfast and a source of strength and support for her three daughters – Dr Dharminy in Adelaide, Nishaliny in Melbourne, and Rajshree in Kuala Lumpur – and I am glad they spent time with their mum in her final days. A heart-shaped arrangement of roses and flowers marked my farewell to Rajes on the shores of Da Nang beach.
Her cousins shared a video of Rajes singing during a recent visit and photos of her at Taman Lintang Nau in Port Klang, where she used to play as a child.
Several members of her extended family contributed stories and pictures to the family WhatsApp group, capturing the vibrant spirit she brought to everyone she met and cherished her bond.
Grieving at our own pace and way, even if you couldn’t attend the funeral, can bring a sense of peaceful closure.
Her nephew in Brisbane lit a candle at a church to honour her as the cheerful aunty he remembered, and it provided him with a healing and meaningful way to say goodbye.
Rajes’s siblings held a special prayer at the Shivan temple in Petaling Jaya because Lord Shiva, revered as the god of transformation and liberation, helps ensure the peaceful transition of a soul from the earthly realm to the afterlife.
Her cousins took it a step further, planting a tree in her memory at Taman Lintang Nau, her childhood playground.
Why plant a tree? Trees represent life, growth, and renewal. Planting a tree in memory of a loved one symbolises the continuation of life, even after death and connection to their memory as the tree flourishes.
I prayed for Rajes at the grand Lady Buddha statue at the Linh Ung Da Nang Pagoda and held a private memorial at the tranquil My Khe beach in Da Nang.
I inscribed a farewell message to Rajes in the golden sands, surrounding it with roses and flowers arranged in the shape of a heart.
As the waves gently swept them away, it marked my final goodbye. The impromptu ceremony attracted several beachgoers who quietly joined me in prayerful silence.
My emotions finally found some peace when I had the opportunity to pray and spend a few moments with Rajes via video call from the funeral parlour just before her coffin was sealed.
She lay peacefully, seeming more alive than departed. Draped in her orange wedding saree, our final moment together was profoundly emotional.
In Hinduism, water is one of the five sacred elements and is seen as a purifier. Performing rituals by the sea is thought to purify both the living and the departed.
Rajes was cremated on October 1, and, by her wishes, her ashes were released in River Earn near her home in Comrie village.
Everyone finds their way of finding solace during a grieving period, and there is no right or wrong approach as long as it brings comfort and peace in honouring the memory of the departed.
The Garuda Purana, a Hindu scripture dealing with life, death, and the afterlife, highlights the importance of holding a memorial to help people process grief, honour their loved ones, and gather the strength to continue.
Memorials play an essential role in all traditions because they ensure the peaceful transition of the soul and the well-being of the deceased and their loved ones.
May you rest in peace, Rajes.
Award-winning writer Dr T. Selva is the author of the bestsellers Vasthu Sastra Guide and Secrets of Happy Living. To get a copy, WhatsApp 019-2728464. He can be reached at [email protected] or Facebook: Vasthu Sastra
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