Tomorrow is your appraisal interview with the boss, and your unease is building fast. In the morning you can't get down a single bite of breakfast, then hurry to the office to make final, meticulous preparations for the dreaded one-on-one.
During the meeting you seem paralysed. Yet again you're unable to say no, or perhaps ask to be considered for the company's planned innovation project. You just didn't have the nerve.
Over the long term, fear of your boss can cause you to be overlooked and "career-wise perform below your potential," or to push your limits, overwork and, at worst, end up with burnout, warns business coach and psychologist Elke Overdick.
Some people in this situation mask their fear by being brusque, loud or provocative with their boss, which isn't exactly career-boosting either, she adds. So how can you overcome it?
First of all, some context: "Fear of one's superior is fundamentally normal," says Beate Muschalla, a professor and director of the Department of Clinical Psychology at the Technical University of Braunschweig in Germany.
Your superior needn't even be "particularly threatening," since "superiors have threat potential simply by virtue of their position," notes Muschalla, who often treats work-related anxieties. After all, they supervise, monitor, make demands and give instructions - and can penalize you if you're remiss.
Actually, fear is "a useful, important emotion," points out Overdick, because it protects us from doing things that would put us in danger, or saying things that would have negative consequences, such as screaming at the boss because they've made you angry.
But fear at the workplace becomes problematic if it stymies you - in other words, "if it's so strong that it hinders you from doing things necessary for your well-being and achieving your goals," Overdick says. For example, if it keeps you from telling your boss that your workload is too heavy.
Fear has reached a critical point, according to Muschalla, if you avoid contact with your boss and problems result, say, if you're frequently absent from staff meetings, miss out on information or have trouble focusing on your work because you're constantly trying to cover your backside.
Should this be the case, she advises seeking help, either within the company or from an external counselling centre. You could also turn to a trusted doctor.
There are ways to master fear of your boss, however, Muschalla says, suggesting it can be helpful "to give some thought to bosses in general and what you can expect from them."
You can do this, for instance, by realising there are good and bad ones. "You can be lucky or unlucky when it comes to your boss, and only very rarely can you change them," she remarks.
Also keep in mind that your boss has superiors too, is only human, has good and bad days, and personal peculiarities like everyone else.
By way of example, Muschalla describes three types of bosses: "One always gets worked up but doesn't mean it. Another says one thing today and something else tomorrow, so you've got to wait and see. Yet another is objective, and you can talk to them."
Overdick recommends getting to the bottom of your fear. "What thoughts [about your boss] run through your mind? What exactly do you think could go wrong?" Are your thoughts helpful? Are they realistic? Examining them together with others can be useful, she says.
Self-esteem and self-efficacy play a major role as well, according to Overdick: "People who attach a person's worth to their place in the corporate hierarchy see themselves as having less worth than the managers" - fertile ground for fear, she says.
If, on the other hand, you find that your boss respects the limits you've communicated to them - that you experience self-efficacy, in other words - you won't be so fearful and will feel encouraged to continue to communicate openly.
"You can practise how to behave," Muschalla says, for instance by acting out various workplace situations with a friend or close colleague playing your boss. Trying out different types of behaviour, or rehearsing a new one, will prepare you to better react, say, to criticism from your boss.
It's important, she emphasizes, to actively grapple with typical situations and not simply play them out in your head.
Overdick, in addition, advises countering the physical stress that fear can cause. "Anything that contributes to relaxation and inner calm helps," she says, including breathing and mindfulness exercises, relaxation techniques and, as already mentioned, examining your thoughts.
Not least, cognitive reframing - that is, shifting your mental perspective - can be effective, says Overdick. She suggests, for example, "testing whether fear of your boss lessens by changing the 'inner movie' of your appraisal interview from colour to black and white, or to a still image."
