I am a failure, but I am content.

I became 50 years old several weeks back and I am a failure.

In a society that measures success in terms of material wealth, whatever I have achieved in 50 years of living cannot be termed as anything but a failure.

I have in savings a total of RM34,983, and an EPF account of approximately RM230k. Thank god that EPF contributions were compulsory earlier in my working life or I would have zero. I drive a 13 year old Honda CRV with 464,000 mileage and live in a terrace house that is still owned by the bank for another 20 years to go, I don't own a watch, or any other accesory much less an expensive one, no fancy clothes and I guess the most expensive thing you will ever see me wear are my Skechers which cost RM300.

So yes...I am a failure in that sense. I could at the most, if I stop working now, afford to live for another 5 years and then be rendered homeless. At an age when people start looking forward to retirement, I failed to achieve the financial security that was needed.

But strangely I don't feel like a failure.

I guess because I have been blessed in some ways which money can't buy.

A couple of year ago, I faced a test of character, a test that defined who I was and had become, what I stood for and believed in. I don't know if I passed it or not but it really made me realise what I was as a person.

A rich gentleman approached us after the first PKP, when Kembara was at it's lowest. We met up face to face and this was what he said.

"I would like to reward you for all the work you guys have done for society. Here is RM500,000. Do with it as you like. It's for you."

That was a lot of money, no matter what the situation. And it took us 10 minutes to "reject" it.

Because both my wife (and Co founder) and I felt we could not accept a personal gift based on our vision and mission of helping others. It just wasn't right for us to gain personally from that work. It was tempting though. We talked about it, fantasised about going overseas for a holiday (which we had never done before), treating ourselves with a meal of Wagyu Beef steak that we never tasted before...but no. We just couldn't as tempting as it was. It took us 10 minutes.

Instead we asked him to invest into Kembara and become a partner. The money was needed so we could continue doing our work in the midst of the pandemic.

And I am glad we did that because our aid work became even more desperate for nearly another 2 years. This kept us afloat when many were drowning and in need. We could extend a helping hand then to them. Personally for me though, this was a test of character that defined who I was and who I am today.

What else am I blessed with?

A wife that did not blink an eye and who was on the same page as I when it came to money. How many of you can say your spouse would agree with rejecting a personal gift of half a million and instead agree to get it invested into a community organisation meant to help others? At a time when we ourselves were struggling.

I go to work everyday. 7 days a week. But I look forward to everyday. I don't wake up dreading each day, but wanting to get things going because I believe in what I do and frankly, I love my job. How many of you work believing that what you do truly make a difference to people?

But most of all, I live with a clear conscience. At a time when society is filled with people scamming, hustling and chasing for the elusive need for fulfilment, to get a bigger house, more luxury cars, a bigger bank account, I have very little in comparison and yet am contented. Especially when in our line of work where quite large sums of public money goes through our hands, I know we can fight off the temptations of taking it for ourselves.

So maybe I am a failure...but I am a content with my failing. There are worst ways to have lived.

William Cheah is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav.
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