The post “I Didn’t Want To Be Muslim BECAUSE Of My Overly Aggressive, Abusive, Torturous Ustazah!” appeared first on In Real Life.
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We’ve all had our fair share of stories regarding the abuse we face in school, specifically by the very people who were in charge of our well-being—abuse from our very own TEACHERS.
But let’s talk about the religious studies teachers who should have guided us in the right direction but instead pushed us away from religion.
Let’s talk about the kind of ustazah we have in school.
A Religion Of Peace
I was at that age where I was still learning to love my religion and the beauty of it, which I now associate with peace and mindfulness. Back then, I had to rely on the Ustaz and Ustazah to show me that religion can be such.
However, that one Ustazah in particular gave me the impression that Islam was hateful and aggressive.
My faith wasn’t strong to begin with, and it felt like she was truly pushing me out of my own religion (at that time).
A Grown Woman Bullying A Literal Child
I believe I was the target of her bullying because my best friend goes to school without wearing the hijab. For context, my best friend was the only Muslim in that school who didn’t.
She wasn’t able to target my friend because she had sat through a meeting with my friend’s mother where she was threatened with being exposed for how aggressive her “nasihat” was becoming.
I remember being harassed daily for having my sleeves rolled up to my elbows. At first, I took her advice in a good way—like, she meant well and was trying to help me become a better Muslim. But I also struggled with eczema, which would worsen when I sweated.
Eczema and asthma? Bet… [image provided by the author, armani]
So it becomes a force of habit when I pull my sleeves up, which then turns into a habit of getting pulled down when I see her. Still, she would get angry, as I should not have rolled them up in the first place.
She especially hated when I stood up for myself by trying to explain or laugh off the mistake.
On the last day of school, she saw me with my sleeves rolled up, and she said that I should just cut my whole arm off. I told her to do it because I was sick of this treatment and it would be the last time I saw her. I walked away and she called me rude, but at least I never had to listen to her voice ever again.
A Rotten Apple Spoils The Whole Barrel (Setitik Nila, Rosak Susu Sebelengga)
Once, we were having our weekly Yaasin recitation session at the School Hall, and they had invited a woman to give a talk at the end of the session. My memory is very hazy, as this was almost a decade ago, but I remember one part of her talk that stayed with me for years.
She started the whole session by talking about choosing the right place to eat, but she wasn’t basing it on the cleanliness of the place or even if the place is halal or not. Instead, she talked about choosing somewhere that has proper Muslims serving you—the kind to cover their aurah.
[source: kh tan on pexels]
At some point, when
she started talking about Chinese servers (in a halal restaurant) being dirty
, I started to tune her out. Still, I wasn’t able to tune this next part out because it infuriated me so much, and I still talk about it with my best friend from high school!
The story went on to be about her experience at a Malay stall. She proudly explained how she made a complete stranger take her order, pack her food in front of her, and pass her the food, only for her to reject it because “awak tak pakai tudung.” (You’re not wearing the hijab).
Not The Only One Experiencing This
I have a friend, Dienna who shared her own experience with a particularly horrible Ustazah when she was 11 years old. Her parents sent her to a religious class after school (KAFA) and it was here that she says she had to face mental and physical abuse from an Ustazah that she describes as “mentally insane”.
“She literally forced us to leave our school an hour early so we could shower before coming to KAFA because she ‘benci budak bau macam taik’ (hated kids who smelled like sh*t). So we’d miss one hour of knowledgeable time for UPSR and do as we’re told.”
That was just the tip of the iceberg, folks.
So her method of teaching was mostly memorizing materials, but the materials came from a book that she had written herself with the help of her assistant (truly ensuring your book sells, am I right?)
To show that they’ve memorised the materials, the Ustazah would have them recite all that they remembered. If a student failed, she would slap them with the hardcover book, and if the student forgot their book, she’d slap them with her hand.
Dienna also recalls how this Ustazah would throw the holy Quran onto the floor for students to shamelessly pick up, in her words, “macam anjing” (like dogs.)
[source: felipe cespedes on pexels]
Despite coming home crying and begging for her parents to let her quit those classes, she was told that she was simply overreacting and “just tired”
Dienna was able to finally escape this horror when she fell ill one day, a week before the examinations.
Her mother had to call the Ustazah to give the medical certificate (proof of illness), to which the Ustazah replied, “Oh, pemalas punya budak… mengadu lah tu. Aku sepak dia.” (Oh she’s such a lazy child. I bet she told you about me. I’ll slap her).
Finally, Dienna’s mother believed her – apologising for letting her sit through those 2 years of torture.
“I did not come to school for the whole week, and only came for the exams which, I passed with flying colours.”
After she got her UPSR results, she showed her results to the Ustazah and said, “Here’s the dog you hate so much. Your son only got 4As and I got 6As.”
“It was petty, but it satisfied me greatly. So, I left and never returned.”
My Onion-Skin-Thin (Fragile) Faith (Iman Senipis Kulit Bawang)
After leaving high school, I struggled to see how Islam could be a religion of peace. It wasn’t purely because of the Ustazah, of course, there were other instances I’ve had with people I encountered who shared the same mindset as her.
I saw myself so differently from them, and I was basing the entire religion on these handfuls of people who were so horrible to me that I thought it wasn’t for me.
But as time went on, I met other Muslims who were able to show me that it didn’t have to be that way.
Islam IS a beautiful religion, and these people who are spreading hate, and harassing other people in the name of “dakwah”… well, they just don’t define the whole of Islam.
[source: chattrapal (shitij) singh on pexels]
I believe I was fortunate to have met with these people. I’ve also met many others who end up leaving the religion entirely because of the rotten apples they have to meet.
Personally, I know I’m not a perfect Muslim, but I believe in my faith, and I’m well aware that I have more to learn.
The most that another person can do for me on my journey to self-improvement is to pray that I get to where I need to be in the end.
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The post “I Didn’t Want To Be Muslim BECAUSE Of My Overly Aggressive, Abusive, Torturous Ustazah!” appeared first on In Real Life.
