The post I was Stalked by My Obsessive Ex-Boyfriend in KL for 2 Years appeared first on In Real Life.
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Content warning: domestic violence, physical abuse, stalking, animal abuse (implied)
According to Women’s Aid Org/Vase.ai, 36% of Malaysians have experienced stalking, while 17% of Malaysians have experienced stalking which led to actual harm.
Here is the story of Vicky* (name changed for privacy), a university student who was the victim of constant stalking from none other than her own obsessive ex-boyfriend.
I started dating my high school friend
I first met Darren in secondary 3. We were best friends in secondary school, and we only got together in college.
We had fun together all the time and we shared the same sense of humour. He was charming and knew how to say the right things at the right time.
I loved him truly. But I didn’t know he had deep-seated anger issues.
Once, he threw books and pillows around because of a missed appointment. But I brushed that incident off, thinking he was just having a bad day.
As far as I knew, he had never hit someone he had dated. But when the physical abuse started, I began understanding what I’d gotten myself into.
The first time he hit me, it was because he was 2 hours late
One time, we were supposed to meet at a mall in KL for a date. He’s not a punctual person, and I ended up waiting over two hours for him.
Fed up, I texted him saying, “You know what, if you’re going to waste my time, don’t bother coming.”
Luckily, I had bumped into friends at the mall, so I hung out with them instead.
Eventually, he turned up and called me to meet him. I ran up to him to talk to him, hoping he’d be apologetic or perhaps even make up for it.
Right there in the mall, he slapped me across my face.
Fortunately, my friend witnessed the whole thing. She called security on him and they escorted him out.
My friend tried her best to be there for me and told me: “Girl, you need to leave this abusive POS. This guy is seriously bad news.”
I left the mall embarrassed by the pointing and whispering from a crowd of onlookers.
The next day, he turned up at my house with flowers, begging me to forgive him.
“Babe, I promise I won’t do it again.”
Like a sucker, I believed him…but then things took a turn for the worse.
He started waiting outside of my college for hours
Image: A man watching three young women from behind a pillar.
After that, things were never the same. I found myself trying to leave him, especially on weekdays when I knew both of us would be in our respective colleges.
But when he realised my ploy, he began skipping classes to park himself outside my college near my car.
He would drive around the housing area next to my college to find my car and lie in wait.
My grades started slipping. I could no longer focus on my studies. I picked up smoking.
Whenever Darren found me, he would drag me into his car and bring me back to his home, which was always empty because his parents both worked.
Once I was in his grasp, he would abuse me, both verbally and sexually.
After this happened a few times, I confessed my situation to a friend, a tall broad athlete at the state level, who began walking me to my car.
For a brief moment, this stopped Darren from waiting for me at my college. But instead of leaving me alone, he started waiting behind my house.
I fell back into a depression. It was like I couldn’t escape his presence, no matter where I went.
He maintained his dominance over me with death threats on my dog
I ask myself this question every day: “Why did my boyfriend turn into this monster?” I think Darren was stalking me because deep down, he knew we weren’t going to last, but he was trying to prevent me from breaking up with him anyway.
For example, when my friend started walking me back to my car, Darren would threaten to beat him up.
Darren called me names, insulted me incessantly, hit me, broke my things… all because he didn’t want me to leave his sphere of control.
He would also issue threats frequently to ensure my compliance. On multiple occasions, he would say, “If you keep avoiding me, I swear to God I’ll kill your precious dog.”
I suffered in silence and didn’t tell anyone to protect them.
When the news finally broke, my circle of friends were shocked, and they kept asking this question. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you stand up for yourself?”
I come from a broken home and my parents were frequently away. I was scared of my father so I never told him anything.
My mother couldn’t care less about me. I didn’t have any older siblings to confide in.
My friends were just as young as me and had no idea how to help. I was afraid that he would expand his abuse to include them too.
As far as I knew, there was nothing I could do. So I kept silent.
Every day I had a scream stored in the back of my throat that I could never let out.
I spent all those years in extreme fear – that was, until someone came along who was brave enough to cut through to the heart of the matter.
It was another woman who saw the signs and ended it
At that point, I had fallen so deep into the hole of depression that I thought my entire life would be like whatever Darren had turned it into.
I would only exist to serve him and no one else.
Truthfully, I was contemplating ending my life as the only way to finally be rid of his influence.
After about two years, someone named Zee from Darren’s group of friends found out about what he was doing.
When she uncovered the whole truth, she threatened him with exposure and consequences.
She let the news out to everyone who knew him and strong-armed him into leaving me alone.
It was also Zee who got me into therapy.
Even though I have fallen out of touch with her over the years, I will always be grateful that she did something, instead of simply standing by.
I owe her my life.
Being stalked makes victims feel afraid and isolated from others
Did you know that most stalking is done not by strangers, but by someone close to the victim?
Stalking is perceived as the act of being followed without consent, but there’s a lot more to it that is involved:
Unwanted contact, violation of personal rights, unwanted gifts. If they are not reciprocated, these “acts of passion” are then followed up by threats of harm, sometimes even acted out in real-time.
Those lucky enough to have never experienced a stalker may see it as a “crime of passion” or something that young people do to “prove the intensity of their love”.
But I knew stalking for what it really was: an act of control.
As a victim of this, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
Nowadays, with the increasing use of technology, stalking can be made even easier through social media.
Darren was able to track my movements by befriending my Facebook friends and checking for their posts including me.
He even trawled through posts for hours seeking glimpses of me in pictures.
The message is clear: “You are not safe. No matter where you are, I will find you.”
Don’t underestimate stalkers.
Recently, Malaysia passed an Anti-Stalking Law in Parliament
Image: The first Anti-Stalking Law is announced in Malaysia (a (Source: The Star)
Recently, Malaysia passed a bill that criminalises stalking in Parliament. In this writer’s opinion, it has been a long time coming – enshrining it in law is vital to ensure the safety of everyone in Malaysia.
Stalking creates a paranoia of ever-present danger that affects a person’s performance at work, in school, their mental and emotional state, and so many other aspects of daily life.
My only hope is that if you read this, you will believe the people who speak up about the experiences of stalking and how it messed up their lives.
If you are a victim of stalking, here’s what you can do:
- Speak to someone from a feminist organisation like AWAM
Awam has a helpline that can provide free legal advice for the victim.
- Don’t keep it all inside
Tell the people you love what’s happening to you and let them help if they can.
- Get a loved one to follow you and make a police report
It’s now a criminal offence to stalk someone. It’s your right to be safe and free from abuses such as stalking.
If you have a personal story, send it to us at: hello@inreallife.my
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The post I was Stalked by My Obsessive Ex-Boyfriend in KL for 2 Years appeared first on In Real Life.
