Focus on the Family Malaysia offers advice on building children’s responsibility and managing money conversations before marriage
Q: Our son refuses to do his homework. He is bright and capable but he would much rather play or watch TV than study. We worry that he will fall behind in school, so we find ourselves constantly reminding, supervising and checking on him. How can we encourage him to take responsibility for his schoolwork without having to monitor every step?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Without knowing more details, such as your son’s age, it is difficult to offer a definitive answer. However, this may be a good opportunity to try what psychologist Dr Kevin Leman calls “reality discipline”.
Rather than relying on constant reminders, lectures, pleading or threats, this approach helps children develop responsibility by allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their choices.
As Leman explains, effective discipline sometimes means stepping back and allowing children to stumble. The goal is not to punish them but to help them accept responsibility and learn accountability for their actions. In your son’s case, that may mean resisting the urge to supervise every homework assignment.
If he submits work late – or doesn’t hand it in at all – allow him to experience the consequences at school.
You can also help to enlist his teacher’s support. Working together, you can reinforce the message that his choices have real consequences and that you won’t always be there to rescue him from them.
Your concern about him falling behind is understandable but taking ownership of his homework may unintentionally prevent him from developing the self-discipline he needs.
A few missed assignments are unlikely to determine his future. They may, however, provide the wake-up call he needs to start taking responsibility for his schoolwork himself.
Q: My fiance and I are excited about planning our wedding but we are already running into disagreements over the budget for the ceremony. It has also made us realise we have different ideas about managing money. How can we navigate these financial conversations and build a healthy approach to money for our future?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in marriage. That is not surprising. When two people with different values, spending habits, financial backgrounds, goals and priorities combine their lives – and their finances – disagreements are almost inevitable.
That is why it is important to have honest conversations before you get married. Discuss how you will make financial decisions, who will be responsible for paying bills, how you will create and manage a budget and whether you will combine your finances completely or keep some accounts separate.
Don’t avoid potentially uncomfortable topics, either. Talk about credit cards and any existing debt, including student loans. Discuss your expectations about children, home ownership, saving, giving, retirement and the lifestyle you hope to build together.
Preparing a shared budget before the wedding can be an excellent exercise. It helps you identify differences, set priorities and establish realistic expectations before financial pressures arise. These conversations are especially important if either of you has been previously married or has children from an earlier relationship.
Many financial disagreements are, at their core, communication problems. Learning to discuss money openly and respectfully now will strengthen not only your finances but your marriage as well.
Taking the time to understand each other’s values, goals and priorities is one of the best investments you can make in your future together.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
