As you push 30, and you're still single, you start to wonder if there is really ‘the one’.
Not only do you wonder, but your entire family too - and that's where the pressure comes in. Also, your friends are getting engaged and having their once-in-a-lifetime weddings!
But as time goes by, I'm realizing more and more that the idea of ‘the one’ isn't as easy as it seems.
Yes, there are some couples who knew from the start that they've met the right persion. However, this is actually the rare occasion - most times, couples come to the realisation that they've met ‘the one’ after going through a series of hardships that instead of breaking the bond shared, solidifed it.
I'm sure it's wonderful whenever you realise that you've met your soulmate - but in your 20s, every person you date can feel like ‘the one’
Your 20s is a formative part of your life where you're allowed to be independent for the first time in your life, and this comes with deciding who you want to be, and how you're going to get there. It's a fulfilling but also very lonely & tough journey, which leads many to seek comfort from the people around them.
The people around them = the possible dating pool. Dating apps are easily accessible these days, if not, clubs and other networking groups allow youths to bond over shared interests. Simple check ins become daily chats, which then grow into something deeper.
It's almost so easy to find someone to date. The harder part - is finding the right one.
Many times, I was ‘sure’ that the current person I dated was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And when it ended, I cried for months, sometimes years. It's like clockwork, some time after the depression, I reflect and realise a thousand different reasons why those people could've never been the one. Sometimes it's the red flags that I chose to ignore through rose-coloured lenses, sometimes, truly, our fate had always been to eventually separate so that I could grow. I needed them to grow.
The hardest thing I've had to do is to walk away from someone I loved with all my heart, because I wasn't being loved in the way that I needed to be. Even after two years, he remains in my prayers as I'll always want him to have the best that life could offer.
A part of me wonders if I stayed, would things have gotten better over time? Sometimes I come to the conclusion that I should've stayed, sometimes I decided that it was the right thing to do. That's what my heart says - but deep in my logical-thinking brain, it doesn't matter anyway, or anymore.
There will always be consequences to actions, and this is mine. At that time, I tried my best and decided that walking away is the right thing to do. From this experience, I did grow a lot.
I spent a lot of time alone, introspecting the areas I still needed to consciously work towards growing. After two years, though I still have him in my heart, I'm really proud of the person I've become - who I would've never been if I was not brave enough to walk away.
Between choosing what my heart desperately wants, discernment made me choose myself.
And now, I'm still single because I continued to choose myself. Is it a little sad? Yes.
Would I be grateful to myself all those years later? Yes.
C Chai (crystal.chaijeecheng@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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