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By Mihar Dias (C) Copyright January 2024
In a groundbreaking revelation, a Muslim preacher has enlightened us all with the shocking news that Malays might just be the long-lost cousins of the 12 tribes of Israel.
Move over, historical accuracy; make way for the Malay-Israeli DNA connection, as proven by research at the prestigious Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (or so the video claims.)
As the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia (Jakim) scrambles to address this earth-shattering revelation, they have graciously invited academicians and scientists to join the quest for the truth. Because, clearly, nothing says rigorous scientific investigation like a claim that Malays share DNA with the ancient Israelites.
Assoc Prof Dr Syaza Shukrian from the International Islamic University Malaysia is quick to throw cold water on the fiery claims. She notes, “These claims stretch historical information,” a statement so profound it should be etched onto a plaque and hung in the hallowed halls of academe.
But wait, there's more! In a video that could rival the best comedy shows, a preacher confidently declares, “The Malay DNA is the same as that of the Israelis, according to research in UKM.”
Who needs peer-reviewed journals when you have charismatic preachers dropping knowledge bombs?
Syaza Shukrian calls for accountability, demanding that those making such grandiose claims should provide academic findings.
Because, you know, academic rigour is a pesky detail that should never stand in the way of a good conspiracy theory.
Meanwhile, Assoc Prof. Dr Ahmad Sunawari Long, the dean of UKM Islamic Studies Faculty, is concerned about the Malays falling for these wild tales.
He urges Islamic scholars to break their silence, probably fearing that Malays may start celebrating Hanukkah alongside Aidilfitri.
In the grand tapestry of absurdity, Ahmad Sunawari emphasises that this is not a matter of Islamic faith but rather a question of thought, culture, and belief surrounding Malays as an ethnic group. What better way to resolve a complex issue like the Palestine-Israel conflict than by connecting Malays to one of the 12 tribes?
In conclusion, brace yourselves for the imminent blockbuster: "The Lost Tribe of Malaysia." Coming soon to a theatre of absurdity near you.
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